My next tattoo...

So for awhile I've been thinking about what I want my next tattoo to be, and I think I've finally (kind of ) decided on what I want it to be. For the most part. I know that I want it to be Proverbs 3:5-6, but I can't really decide if I want to do the actual words of this scripture, or just the scripture reference itself. I know that if I just do the scripture reference, I'll probably put it on the underside of my left wrist. If I do both verses though, I'm thinking about getting a Precious Moments child outline (I'm thinking praying), with the words of both verses on the inside. I'm not sure yet if I want to do print or cursive... I'll probably do print if I go with the Precious Moments outline, cursive for the one on my wrist. I'm also not sure where I would put the other one... The place that makes the most sense would probably be on one of my shoulder blades, but I want to be able to see it, you know? I think it might be a little weird to have it somewhere on my sides, stomach, or lower back. I don't know. It took awhile for me to decide on what I wanted for my next tatoo, so it will probably be another while before I decide on where I want it to go :)

Finding Morris Notes

Part 2 of the notes I mentioned from my previous post

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/note.php?note_id=10150372322868568

Part 1. I really need to take the time to read all of his notes. A lot of the titles have caught my attention!

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/note.php?note_id=10150262860653568

It's been a long time since I last posted on here.

Actually, it's been a long time since I've done any kind of journaling. Well, that's a lie. I recently starting using an old blog on my phone to get my feelings out while I'm at work. So, what have I been up to lately?

I moved into a bigger apartment last month. It was a hard decision to make, whether to move on base or into a bigger apartment. After a lot of praying and weighing the pros and cons between each choice, and decided on moving to a bigger apartment. The rent is only $100 more, but I'd rather that than lose all of my BAH. The apartment is a two bedroom, with the second bedroom being for Arianna. So far her bed and dresser are all set up; I still need to put some winter clothes in there, put together her stroller, and strap in her car seat. I'm both excited and nervous about going home and actually being her mom... I haven't been an actual parent to her basically since she's been born. I know NOTHING about being a parent; how will I know what I'm doing, or if it's even the right thing? I know that she recognizes my voice, will she recognize me as her mother? Will she listen to me? I'm just REALLY nervous... I will be TOTALLY new to this whole parenting thing, and I really don't want to mess up.

For the past...eh, month or so? I've been going to a different church. Faith Baptist Church. Why, you ask? Because I didn't feel comfortable going to a Single's Ward where I didn't fit in (because I'm a parent), or the Family Ward (because I'm not married). I was always depressed giong to Church and the different events. I'm not even sure I had a testimony about whether being LDS is where I was supposed to be. I got baptized because of something Sam had said to me when we first started our relationship. He said that he couldn't marry someone who was LDS. And of course, I thought for sure that he and I would get married, and when he told me that, I felt this burning in my chest which I was sure meant that he was The One, and that I had to convert to ensure that we would get married when the time came. I've been a member for 5 years. Sam and I aren't together anymore. We don't even talk to each other anymore. In fact, he's engaged to someone else now. My parents didn't approve of the fact that I got baptized LDS. But me being the stubborn person that I am, stayed LDS. But now, I guess you could say that I don't really have a reason to be LDS. I didn't do it for the right reason. I will admit that I didn't really feel much of anything when I went to church. I just felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. In the single's ward, my singleness was pointed out to me every time I went to church or an activity. In the family ward, I was constantly reminded that although I'm a parent, I'm not married. Which led to the depression I felt all the time. I shouldn't have to feel the way that I did. So, I started looking for a different church to attend. Like I said at the beginning, I've been attending Faith Baptist Church. I really like going there. The congregation is diverse; the preaching is great (it seems like many of the messages are speaking to me); I feel accepted there. The people that I've met are so friendly (some uncomfortably so, but I think I'll get used to that with time), and even though I'm not a member there, the people care about me. I'm really excited to continue attending this church, and bringing Arianna here too :)

I can't believe that I only have two weeks left in the two classes that I'm taking this semester: African American Literature, and Intermediate Algebra. African American Literature hasn't been that bad, I don't mind the reading, but I realize that I hate writing papers lol. As for math... let's just say that I'm already planning on paying back the TA (tuition assistance) for this class. It probably wasn't a good idea to 1) take this class while taking another one, knowing full well that math is not my strong point, and 2) take this class online, knowing full well that I would need all the help I could get lol. I'm pretty sure I can salvage my African American Literature grade, but Algebra...There's no saving that one. Unless I somehow magically do an awesome job on my final, which I highly doubt *sigh*. But hey, at least I won't have to worry about classes while I'm home on leave! This semester conveniently ends the day before I go on leave :)

I don't really know what else to talk about now... I'm still single *SIGH*, but I'm working on doing things differently. Instead of looking for a boyfriend, I'm looking for what I REALLY want: a husband. And even with that, I'm not going to do the looking. There are two pages on Facebook that I'm following, one called Finding Morris, the other While I'm waiting- Diary of a Single Christian. I've learned so much between these two pages, most recently being from Finding Morris. He has two notes on... Well I can't really explain it, but I will find them and post the links to them so I can least have them on here. Basically, I don't really want to have a boyfriend per say, but I would like to be courted. Reading these notes, I realized that I really don't like to be tied down in a relationship while trying to find the guy I'm meant to marry. From my understanding from Finding Morris' notes, a relationship should go like this: acquaintances/strangers; friends (where you're still getting to know each other, but also getting to know other people; this could be similar to dating); 'friends' (you're more serious about each other, and not really seeing other people); and hopefully engagement and marriage. I want to find my best friend here on this earth. I know that I can't do it on my own; I've been praying for this, along with patience because I tend to want instant results. And when that doesn't happen, I have the tendency to take things into my own hands. And I've learned that my way definitely isn't always best LOL. The hard way, unfortunately... But, I'm hoping that through prayer and faith, I can have that patience and trust that in time God will place that man in my life, and I will be ready for him. I know that first I have to be a mom to my daughter first. I hope that things will fall into place...

Well I think I've pretty much updated whoever I let read this on my life at the moment; I really hope that I can get better at this blogging thing. Since it's private now, maybe I'll be able to open up more and get better about expressing my thoughts and feelings.

Til next time!