Just a thought (or two)

You know what I realized? I think a lot. Maybe too much at times, and not enough at others. Sometimes I think about the future, and try to plan my life out so that way I (think) I know what's going to happen. I like knowing how things end (and yes, I know that things will end in death. Thanks random guy who probably doesn't exist who thought he'd be a smart ass and bring that up), otherwise I get nervous and start overthinking everything. I need to just let go and let things happen, but still have control over those things. Without putting so much focus into how it could possibly end. 

Having expectations isn't a bad thing, even if you've never been able to meet them, or things never go how you thought they would. It's better to have expectations and get let down repeatedly than to not have expectations at all, right? I need to start having expectations again... 

Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much about what people thought of me. I'm not even sure why I do in the first place! It kinda stresses me out. But I don't know how to not care what people think. It's just how I am, I guess. I don't know. 

I really need to find a way to completely block my access to a certain someone's family on Facebook... Every now and then I kind of try and check and see if there's anything on him (don't ask me why, I did the same thing when he got married. Call me crazy, or whatever)... Today there was actually a picture. Of him. Not gonna lie, it kinda made me nervous. He looks the same as always. I need to stop checking up on him like this, it can't be a healthy habit at all. 

I really need to go to sleep, I don't think I think clearly enough at this time of night. Morning? Whatever. 

The ramblings of a weird tired person... Goodnight.