There are so many things in my life that I wish I could understand. I look back on the past and wish things could've turned out so differently. In my head, there is a whole nother view of what I wanted my life to be like before I joined the military. Now I look back and see all the people that I know from back home, people that I was friends with, people that I went to school or church with, and it seems like they're all either living their own dreams or living the dream that I laid out in MY head. I should be graduating from college with my friends, or at least still attending college. I should be that happily engaged girl, looking forward to a temple wedding and being sealed to her eternal companion for time and all eternity. Why are they all living MY dreams? The dreams that I want so badly to come true, but have now been derailed because of where I am now. I want to be married, and start my own family...None of which I can forsee happening until I separate, and that won't be until I'm 26. Why do I have to wait so long before I can finally be happy? I wish I knew...

Life In a Box

I sit here and I can't help but wonder
Why life is like this
All these problems that you think you know the answer to-
But in reality, we don't.
There is no real answer, just the consequences of the path that we choose
How we react
Work to prevent
Ourselves from becoming that one thing
That we hate the most.
Do any of us really know though,
If we're accomplishing that goal
Until it too late?
Once we realize our mistake
Is it too late to turn back and start over?
We only have this one life to live

What's wrong with this picture?

Why is it that I can't have my own things, yet I have to put up with other people and how they do things, and when I try to do things that I like (like listening to music), people have to complain?

Take my music for example. We have room inspections in the next three days, and since I'm home most of the day, I thought I'd knock out some of the cleaning that needed to get done. Of course I had my music playing so it would be more bearable. My roommate comes home from her shift at work, and starts complaining about my music. She said that one of the artists that was currently playing (Brandy) sounded like she was about to have asthma attack, and that I listen to the most annoying stuff. I told her that she could turn it off since it's been playing all day and she says "Exactly!". Like she's been forced to hear it all day or something. Yet you don't see me complaining when she plays her rock and country music.

Not only that, I've been cleaning almost all day trying to get everything ready for this inspection. We're in the middle of moving furniture around, and had a bookshelf sitting right where the door opens. So since there was space where we're planning to move her dressers, I just put my nightstand and the bookshelf there because I wasn't sure if she was planning on moving her dressers or not. She gets upset because I put those things there and says that she was planning on moving her dresser tonight. I told her that I wasn't sure so I just thought it would be better to be prepared in the event she didn't move them before the inspection. So I move all that out of the way. She asks me if the stuff that's under my bed will be easy to pull out of if they're all piled on top of each other and I told her that they were easy to pull out. I guess she plans to move all of her stuff tonight while I'm at work. I went on ahead and started moving my things out from under the bed, and she gets upset AGAIN and starts complaining that I'm taking up all this space with my stuff and that she won't have space to move anything if she moves things tonight. To which I told her that they were just going on my bed.

And then it clicked. She didn't want me to move her dressers because she didn't want me to come across things she didn't want me to see, but yet she was thinking about moving MY stuff around?! Where does that make ANY sense?! It's bad enough that she used my computer without my permission last night to call her boyfriend and then closed the lid which closed everything that was open, and then had the nerve to turn the light off that I had turned on so I could see just so she could sleep! The light was in the foyer/sink area! She said that I eat crap food, food that doesn't have substance, and then asked me when I was planning another commissary trip. I mean, really? Come on now, just because I get BAS doesn't mean that I'm the ONLY one that can go to the commissary and get stuff. If you want something, GET IT YOURSELF. She didn't even say "Hey, thanks for doing most of the cleaning today, I'll finish it up." Or even OFFER to help me finish what cleaning I WAS doing. She just came home, changed, and sat on her computer. I hope she doesn't expect me to wash the dishes, because I ALWAYS do and she just says "Oh you washed the dishes." Like I'm EXPECTED to wash them or something.

Why is it that I can deal with people's annoying habits and whatnot, but when I try to do my own thing or do things for others, it goes unnoticed? Why are some people so darn INCONSIDERATE?! And why do I even put up with it?? I really wish I had my own room, because then I could play my "annoying" music whenver I wanted to and eat my "crap" food without having to worry about people complaining about it. I'm so tired of trying to please everyone...