The day I recieved a copy of The Book of Mormon

So... I've been thinking about this ever since it happened. I was at the clinic last week (?) for my back, and was waiting at the pharmacy to pick up my prescription, when an older woman walked up to the couch I was standing behind. Thinking she wanted to sit, I moved my hat and wallet so she could put her purse down. I kinda stopped paying attention to her and zoned out, and then the next thing I knew she was handing me a Book of Mormon, and explaining that she felt I needed to take it, and bore what I think was a brief testimony about the church, and pointed out that she also put it in the actual Book of Mormon. I wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do aside from take it and say thanks, because 1) I was in uniform, and 2) I just wasn't expecting it. Then she walked away. So basically she went over to the couch just to give me a Book of Mormon. Why me, I have NO idea. I haven't been an active member of the LDS church for a little over a year. It was sitting in the back seat of my car for a day or two, and now it's on the floor of my bedroom, next to my Bible (which is only there because I have no space on my "nightstand"). I'm not sure what to do with or about it. I've been trying to figure out why this even happened. I'm not even sure why I posted this. Hm. Well, now it's out. Well this was a weird post...

I wish I knew what to do about this.

Heather Lindsey's Pinky Promise

This is my number one goal. I got it from Heather Lindsey's blog. I definitely recommend reading it, she has a lot I uplifting and eye opening posts! This is from her Pinky Promise Movement:

The Promise

I will always honor Christ with my body.
Whether I’m single or married, I am content with my portion and I always keep my eyes on Christ.
I refuse to get into unhealthy, emotional/physical relationships.
God wants my heart and I am committed to giving it to Him!
Meditating on and living Romans 12:1 daily.

Holidays and new relationships (or relationship)!

So! I figured, while waiting for my next batch of bread dough to rise (I thought I'd try another recipe and see how it turns out! I like it so far...WAY easier than the first loaf), I would do some blogging!

Anyway- CHRISTMAS! I think this is the first Christmas I was ever physically...alone. No family here, I didn't hang out with my coworkers and their families, and I also didn't go to some random church member's house for an awkward Christmas with people I don't know. Not to mention that I'm single so there wasn't a significant other to spend moy time with either. So I was fully prepared to spend this family oriented holiday by myself. I mean, I knew I was going to try and call home and talk to my family, but it's just not the same as being there or being able to see them. Cue my brother calling my phone via FaceTime (an Apple version of video chatting between Apple products like Iphones and Ipads)... I was confused (didn't know he had an Iphone to begin with), but then I was happy because I could SEE my family! I could see Arianna (who by the way, has definitely gotten taller, and also reminds me of me haha)! It was great being able to see and talk to everyone, and watch Arianna open her present from me (I got her some clothes, a Dora DVD, a toy smartphone, and a microphone), and see the other presents she recieved as well. It was just so great to see her be her. And she's so HAPPY, I could tell. I'm happy that she's able to be around famioly that will love her in ways that I can't right now. I can't wait to see them next year (just not sure when... ) before I go to Korea for round 2. So basically, what I thought was going to be a depressing Christmas, turned into a pretty AWESOME one :)

While reading up on the CurlyNikki Forums that I particpate in, I came across a post that mentioned a Christian female blogger, who writes about spending time with God daily, allowing God to show you His purpose for you, different posts on courting...There's a lot. Her name is Heather Lindsey, and you can find her blog {HERE}! I've been reading every one of her posts, and I've learned A LOT. The most important lesson? Before I even THINK about a relationship with another man, I NEED to work on my relationship with JESUS CHRIST. In every single one of her posts, she mentions how important it is to spend time with God EVERY DAY, and to make it a PRIORITY. That is the relationship that I need to work on. My relationship with Christ. I've been feeling so lost with my life, not sure what to do or how to go about doing it... I need to build my relationship with Christ, get as close as I possibly can to Him, let Him lead and guide me to where HE wants me to be... I need to make spending time with Him a PRIORITY. I'm not sure how much more I can emphasize how important this is. Anyway, point is, my new relationship is with Jesus Christ! :D

Well I guess that's all I wanted to blog about. Time to go finish making bread! :)

A little bit of darkness, to come into the light

Sam and I talked about finding my deeper inner self. He thinks that I'm afraid to find out that I really am shallow and naive and that I'm scared to actually be a deep person. Thinking about it, I'm inclined to agree. I don't like it, but sometimes I am content with just acting like a teenage girl although I'm twenty years old. When he asked me what I wanted to do/be, I told him that I wanted to write but that it's been too long since I've done that. To which he said that when I write is one of the few times he's seen the deeper side of me. That and when I actually have intelligent things to say and when I'm serious (and not depressed). So...I guess I have to figure out how to bring this deeper side of me to the surface and show people that I'm smarter than I let on. -Excerpt from a journal entry from 2008 on my livejournal account.

I'm not sure what prompted me to even look up that account, and sadly when I went to look for my first livejournal account, I found that I had deleted it :/ Why would I want to go back and read about that past with Sam? I really don't know. But reading this part of one of my old posts... It really made me wonder. Why am I so worried about being a deeper person? About being in touch with my emotions?

For example (and I might be seen as heartless for this, but I'm just being honest); the shooting at the elementary school in NewTown, Conneticut. Is it a horrible thing to happen to harmless children and teachers? Yes. Am I crying about it, having a hard time sleeping at night because I can't believe that someone had the gall to go shoot up an elementary school and then wasn't even man enough to face his crimes so he shoots himself? No. My heart didn't fall through the floor when I read the articles after it happened. I do think it's sad that it took something like this to get people to look harder into tightening gun control laws. This whole situation is a sad one. But like a friend on Facebook said in a post, she barely flinched when she heard about the news. I believe that there are some of us who have really just gotten used to hearing about school shootings, mall shootings, theater shootings... I mean, they're all horrible. But after awhile, you just get used to hearing about these things on the news. You become desensitized to the whole thing. Which is a BAD sign of how things have been. To be honest, I feel like a monster because I don't feel more emotion about this shooting in Conneticut. It kind of scares me.

Do I really want to be that person? I would like to be more in touch with my emotions, actually have legitimate, smart thoughts. I still feel naive, like I did back in school. How do I show myself that I'm not some emotionless freak? Should I get back into writing again? I'm not sure I want to write again. Although it would require tapping into my feelings, since I write more poetry than I do stories (and at least I finish those)... I know though, that I do have some dark thoughts. Do I really want to bring those to the surface? It's not that anyone would have to read them I suppose, and maybe it would help me be more...me. And not hide how I'm feeling...

*sigh* I guess it's time to reopen the door that I've been subconsciouly trying to keep closed...

And...*drum roll*

I'M BACK!!!! I'm so sorry, I suck at blogging, but I PROMISE that I have a reason! When I traveled home with Arianna, I put my laptop in my suitcase in it's carrying case, thinking that it would be okay. Wrong. It got a crack under the screen. Not a physical one, but one that you could see from one corner to the other, with a few black splotches along it. As time passed, the splotches would get bigger and bigger, until the only useful part of my screen was the bottom left corner. That's how I worked on two of my online classes. Until I was working on a math word problem. Here is how I feel about math. I HATE math. Loathe it. Detest it. I also hate word problems, because I have a hard time comprehending what I'm reading/ what the heck I'm supposed to do. Cue moment of intense anger and frustration... And there goes my laptop as I chuck it onto the floor. Effect? The screen (well under it) spiderwebs into tiny cracks, and the screen is useless. So I was without a computer for most of my two classes the semester before last. Lemme tell you- trying to get two class assignments/quizzes and tests done while at the library; NOT EASY AT ALL. So... I have an online class starting up next month, and I knew I did not want to work around library hours again. So I went to Aaron's and rented a laptop. Hopefully after taxes I can buy it. It'll be tight money wise, but if I want to succeed in school, I need to have a laptop.

So, what's been new with me? I moved on base (and after deciding that Arianna should stay with my parents for awhile, realized I should've stayed off base lol), and got an assignment to South Korea again! I'm SUPER excited about it. I'm excited about having a laptop again. I'm excited to be able to actually do quality work for my class.

I don't really know what else to talk about lol. So I guess this is it! I promise I'll be better at blogging, now that I have easier access to it.

Later gators!

Veteran's Day

I was donating plasma today, and I was able to watch the ending of one military movie, and I think mostly half of another one. The second one was called "Taking Chance", and was about a marine escorting a casualty back to his hometown. That and the first one... Whew. If I was a crier, I would've cried during both of those movies. Even though they're movies, to get some kind of insight of what it's like to literally put your life on the line to save your country, being totally selfless and giving your life to save the lives of your group (one marine threw himself on a grenade to save his comrades), knowing full well what you're leaving behind... It's eye-opening. And then to watch someone escort a fellow marine or soldier home for their funeral (one of the escorts was taking his own brother home)... I couldn't help but think "wow, and I thought MY job was dangerous?" Yeah, there's dangers in my job, but they pale considerably when compared with those who are part of convoys, or those on the front lines, special forces, SEALs... Just... Wow.

In honor of Veteran's Day coming up, from one service member to many, THANK YOU for your willingness to be selfless, and to be willing to take that chance of losing your life to save the lives of countless others.

For those who need some uplifting...

(I got this from a girl on a forum I post on a lot. I definitely needed to hear this, and I wanted to share!)


God Can Use Cracked Pots

Isaiah 64:8

God doesn't require us to be perfect, He made us, and He knows we're human and will make mistakes. Our job is to get up every day and do our best to use the keys He has provided for us. And when we fail, we must get right with God, receive His forgiveness and go on.

Many people feel that God can't use them because they're not perfect, but this is a lie. God (the Potter) uses cracked pots (that's us) to do His work. As Christians, we are containers that God wants to fill with His goodness and light. Then we're to carry that goodness and light to a dark world, sharing it with people everywhere we go.

Don't be afraid of your flaws; acknowledge them and allow God to use you anyway. Quit worrying about what you're not and give God what you are.

As a cracked pot, you can accomplish wonderful things. You can make somebody happy. You can encourage, edify and exhort those around you. You can use your gifts and talents to serve God.

Prayer Starter: God, I may be a 'cracked pot,' but You are the Potter and You can use me for Your purposes despite my flaws. Fill me with Your goodness and light so that I can carry it into the world around me.

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