Veteran's Day

I was donating plasma today, and I was able to watch the ending of one military movie, and I think mostly half of another one. The second one was called "Taking Chance", and was about a marine escorting a casualty back to his hometown. That and the first one... Whew. If I was a crier, I would've cried during both of those movies. Even though they're movies, to get some kind of insight of what it's like to literally put your life on the line to save your country, being totally selfless and giving your life to save the lives of your group (one marine threw himself on a grenade to save his comrades), knowing full well what you're leaving behind... It's eye-opening. And then to watch someone escort a fellow marine or soldier home for their funeral (one of the escorts was taking his own brother home)... I couldn't help but think "wow, and I thought MY job was dangerous?" Yeah, there's dangers in my job, but they pale considerably when compared with those who are part of convoys, or those on the front lines, special forces, SEALs... Just... Wow.

In honor of Veteran's Day coming up, from one service member to many, THANK YOU for your willingness to be selfless, and to be willing to take that chance of losing your life to save the lives of countless others.

For those who need some uplifting...

(I got this from a girl on a forum I post on a lot. I definitely needed to hear this, and I wanted to share!)


God Can Use Cracked Pots

Isaiah 64:8

God doesn't require us to be perfect, He made us, and He knows we're human and will make mistakes. Our job is to get up every day and do our best to use the keys He has provided for us. And when we fail, we must get right with God, receive His forgiveness and go on.

Many people feel that God can't use them because they're not perfect, but this is a lie. God (the Potter) uses cracked pots (that's us) to do His work. As Christians, we are containers that God wants to fill with His goodness and light. Then we're to carry that goodness and light to a dark world, sharing it with people everywhere we go.

Don't be afraid of your flaws; acknowledge them and allow God to use you anyway. Quit worrying about what you're not and give God what you are.

As a cracked pot, you can accomplish wonderful things. You can make somebody happy. You can encourage, edify and exhort those around you. You can use your gifts and talents to serve God.

Prayer Starter: God, I may be a 'cracked pot,' but You are the Potter and You can use me for Your purposes despite my flaws. Fill me with Your goodness and light so that I can carry it into the world around me.

Sent from my SGH-T959V using CurlyNikki App

You.

I went to donate plasma today, and one of the people working there completely butchered my name. They called me by the nickname you used to call me when we were dating. Shensie/Shenzi. Why can't you just vanish from my memory? When will I be 100% over you, and not thinking about you anymore? It's not fair...

I can't help but wonder...

Would anyone really notice or care of I just...vanished? Sometimes I wish I could retreat into the world inside my head and never come out again.

Procrastinating, or one track minded?

So, I came to the library to work on some classwork/homework for my classes, and ended up doing everything but. Mainly catching up on blogs, since I can't do that on my computer anymore :-/ Man, I've missed a lot in the last few weeks. I'm happy I was able to catch up though :)

Okay. Something that's been irritating me as of today... Something that's known as the "black girl experience". Apparently, it's when a white guy has never dated/hooked up with a black girl, and wants to do so just to say that they did. Um, WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT?? Since when is it such an accomplishment to date a black girl?! Is this on every white male's checklist of things they want to do before they die??? I just had to deal with this this morning... Had a guy message me on a social dating site wanting to hook up because he had never been with a black girl and that they're a super huge turn on for him. Get the eff outta here with that mess, man! Damn, I'm so tired of dealing with the males in this state... They either don't give me the time of day because I'm not LDS (or at least an active one...), or they just want sex from me. Pretty sure I already commented on this last night? Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I'm tired of being talked to simply because someone's never dated or been with a black girl. It's not just about skin color, idiots. *sigh*

What else was I going to talk about... oh! I went to Walgreens and got some much needed stuff for my hair. I got three new hair products that I want to try (Pantene curly shampoo and conditioner, and Nubian Heritage's Indian something something custard), along with two new face moisutrizers (Yes to Tomatoes, and I can't remember the name of the other one). I'm currently using the Nubian Heritage in my hair, and it smells AHMAZING! My hair STILL feels soft and moisturized, and it's been in for about an hour or so? If this keeps up, I'll definitely be using this as my leave-in/styler. Oh! I also bought Cantu Shea Butter's growth treatment? I can't remember the name. I'm not sure how I want to use that yet... As for the face moisturizers, I got two. I can't remember the name of the one I used this morning, I think it's called Formula 10.6 or something. Anyway, it has aloe vera and bamboo in it, and the bamboo is supposed to help soak up any extra oil that the skin produces. Perfect for me, because my face always turns into shiny skin city from all of this extra oil. So far, no shiny city! It was really light when I put it on, thank goodness I didn't use a lot of it!

I'm not entirely sure what to talk about now...Oh! Both of my classes are going really well so far! I haven't lost that motivation to not complete assignments or anything like that (and hopefully that will not happen at all this semester), and I'M NOT FAILING MATH (yet)! Right now in Math (Basic Algebra) I have a 91.3%, and in my computer applications class, I have a 89.1%. Not bad for two classes along with 10-12 hours of work! Not to mention, I don't have a laptop anymore, so I'm either here at the library or down at the Devry Campus getting homework done (thank goodness I'm able to go down there!). So far, everything is okay.

Oh, did I mention how I wasn't going to deploy to Korea? *thinks* Yes. Yes I did. Well, this Thursday I have my LEEP procedure scheduled. I had to Google it because I'd never heard of it before. Basically (sorry, this is about to be a little TMI maybe), a cone-shaped chunk of my cervix is getting removed, to make sure that it's not cancer or something. At least that's what the doctor told/showed me when he drew a very simple picture haha. I'm a little nervous, because I've never been put to sleep before, and I don't know how the results will turn out, and I don't know how much recovery time will be needed. Hm. I guess we'll see about it on Thursday.

Totally random thought: Not gonna lie, but I do kinda miss going to my single's ward. Not sure why, seeing as how everytime I went I always felt depressed, but for some reason I do.

Another thought: I bought Fifty Shades of Grey today... This book is crazy. And funny. There are times where I wonder if I should even be reading this thing, but I can't put it down! It's good, but holy crap, man! I know I'm going to end up getting the next two books too. Call me strange, but a guy like Christian Grey does sound interesting...minus the play room and some of his rules...

Is it just me?

Why do guys feel the need to lie to get certain things that they want? Don't say that you'll do this or that and get me to think that you actually care about me, and then don't even go through with it. Ugh. Why am I so focused and hell-bent on having a boyfriend? Why can't I just be content with being single, and making friends and just hanging out with them? Like for real, I just don't even want to focus on dating right now. But I know that I will, because I miss being in one. I miss having someone to actually cuddle with. Someone that I could talk to anytime, about anything, and not having to worry about him not caring, because I know he does. Someone who's affectionate for no reason, not because he wants something. Among other things. Why does it seem like I'm asking for too much?

Oh-my-goodness...

There's an app on my phone called notepad, and before I got this one, that's what I used to blog for awhile. Mainly whenever I needed to vent. A great majority of those notes mention how I regret not giving Arianna up for adoption, and in one note I was just plain mean to her. I blamed my parents for guilt-tripping me into keeping her, and how I should've stuck with my original plan to give her up.

I'm a horrible person. Not to say that I don't think that still, but I feel like a horrible person for even thinking those thoughts. I mean, in the end it was my choice, but at the same time, I felt like I didn't have one. I don't know. But reading those notes made me feel horrible for thinking that way.