I'll admit it...

I think I'm headed down the road to product junkie-ism... What's that, you ask? Well, for naturals (like me), it's when you have a billion hair products (maybe not that much...) that you can't help but buy because it may seem like something you want to try... While I just put away some of my hair products that I don't even use anymore, I still have quite a few products. I think I have...(and this includes what I just bought today and earlier last night/this morning) 6 conditioners, one deep conditioner treatment, my bottle of essential oils, my container to sheamoisture curl enhancing smoothie, proclaim hair and scalp conditioner, and a bottle of leave-in conditioner. Wow. That sounds like a lot haha. Anyway, today I found some new finds! They are these:

 VO5 conditioners! I know, four is a lot, but they were only $.89! That's AWESOME!

I found this at Walgreens at 3am this morning. It's called BioInfusion, and I got their deep conditioning treatment, conditioning shampoo, and leave-in conditioner! I used them all earlier this morning after I got them, and they made my hair feel SO LIGHT! I really needed to find a decent deep conditioner, and this was AMAZING! :)

So tonight I tried to flat twist my hair (after trimming a few strands here and there...I stopped because I'd rather let the professionals do this haha), and instead, I conditioner washed it (with the VO5 strawberries and cream conditioner) and then twisted my hair using sheamoisture curl enhancing smoothie and sealing my ends with Proclaim 7 Essential oils. I'm hoping that when I take it out for church in the morning, it will come out ROCKIN'! : D We'll see though, since this is my first time doing this since I big chopped in Oct. ( I can't believe it's been that long since I've done that!). 

 Ugh. Pardon me for looking so rough, I decided to do this pretty late at night haha :)

Lastly, I was starting to get bored with always throwing a headband in my hair, and was seriously considering getting a weave put in or SOMETHING, just to change things up a little bit. Instead, I went to youtube and got inspiration for new hairstyles for my TWA (aka teeny weeny afro)! Here are some of the pictures that I took :

That's all for now! If this twist out comes out looking decent tomorrow, I will definitely take a picture to show you guys the next time I blog.

Til then!

Is there a confidence building camp somewhere around here?

Most people have a wall that can be broken down. I find that I have a wall that regenerates itself at the slightest crack. I don't understand how I can take two steps forward and enjoy myself, only to go like, 5,000 steps back and end up feeling worse about myself than I usually do. Most people have days when they just feel amazing, and everything goes how they want it to go, they're confident... It seems that I just have moments like this. Very brief moments. It seems I'm more...depressed than I am anything else. I've just now figured out how to look good for myself, and not other people (like guys). I couldn't even tell you how long it to me to figure that out. But at least I'm comfortable in what I'm wearing... If only I could figure out the rest (ie self confidence, social skills...dating ha). Oh, and dating. Geez. It's been...years since I've been on a date. Doesn't really help my self-esteem much. I don't understand... Oh! And something that REALLY aggravates me- when I was stationed in Korea, my roomie and best friend that I have in the military would tell me SO many times how guys have told her that they thought I was cute or hot...Ummm hello???? Is there some reason why you couldn't just TELL ME THAT YOURSELF??? *sigh* I know that I shouldn't depend on guys to build my self esteem or whatever, but it doesn't make me feel any better about myself when it doesn't seem like guys notice me. At all. I don't know. I just wish there was a book, or a life coach that could magically appear and help me out here... It really bothers me that I'm so quiet when I'm in groups of people (and especially around guys that I like haha)...And when it seems that a crack or two has been made in the wall that's up, it magically regenerates. It doesn't help that it seems like everytime the wall rebuilds itself, it's always 10x thicker. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. I really don't. I want so badly to not be this quiet, reserved person who has a hard time making friends and gets asked on dates... I just want to feel like I belong SOMEWHERE. Is that too much to ask? Apparently... *sigh*

I hate to sound like I'm complaining about my life or whatever, but it's my blog, and no one has to read it if they don't want to. It's just... I feel like something is missing. I feel like I've missed out on something, but I don't know what it is. I HATE NOT KNOWING! I dunno. I just... Is is weird that I have a hard time praying, talking to God, and just applying what I read in the scriptures to myself? I know that we should use words like Thee, Thou, Thine, and whatever else there is like that when we pray but... I find that I'm focusing more on making sure I use those words than actually praying, or just talking to God period. I mean, how are we supposed to talk to Heavenly Father like He is in fact our father, but be so formal at the same time? I just want to be able to TALK to someone, and get help for things I need help with. Maybe I just need to learn how to meditate. And do some yoga. SOMETHING that can calm me down when I feel stressed. Not only that, I need to find ways to emotionally pick myself up when I'm having down days (which happen so often it's not even funny). Well, I actually have a way to pick myself up, I just need to work on getting that binder together. *sigh* Maybe I just need to find a place that sells motivational sayings or something that I can hang up in my apartment... I get down and out WAY too quickly and easily... I need to find ways to stay positive... somehow.

So...it's been awhile

A LONG while, to be more exact. Lots of things have happened since I last updated my blog. I went on a 6 month deployment. Got sent back two months later with some other people. Went home and got to spend Christmas and New Year's with this ray of sunshine:

Who also happened to turn 1 at the end of last month.

And now with a new year, new things have happened. For example: I developed a crush on someone. That crush may or may not be fizzling out...hm. The group that got sent home early from the deployment is being sent right back- yay... I'm learning the difference between love and obsession... And it's kinda creepy haha. I'm catching up on my FAVORITE SHOWS (in no particular order):

And lastly (and most importantly), I'm learning that...

It's something that I have to constantly remind myself of, because I'm always finding ways to bring myself down. Especially with being a single mom... It's not easy. Being LDS and a single mom isn't easy (at least for me, it's not). But I don't not want to be LDS, because I love being a member of this Church. I love the peace it brings me, knowing the things that I know. I love that despite what Satan plants in my head of what people may think of me, Heavenly Father proves him wrong. Every Sunday. I love that I can always have someone to go to whenever I feel like I'm going through something that no one else could possibly understand...Because I know that He does. I love that Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father loves me, despite all of my flaws. And if none of you can handle that...?

I'm chucking up the