How episode 3 of season 6 of HIMYM made me realize...

That I've spent way too much of my free time watching this show on Netflix lol. But seriously, that episode where Ted decides, in the middle of his lecture, to follow his lifelong dream of getting his first building design built made me realize that I have no purpose or direction in my life. I mean sure, I had dreams at one point of being a model, singer, member of the chorus in a Broadway musical (or not Broadway musical... Thank you, Fame of 2006!), and at one point, a writer. But I let a certain ex who will not be named get into my head and basically shatter all of my dreams when he told me that the were all sluts and whores, and slept around to make it in those careers (with the exception of the writer). So yeah... there went those dreams (and I really wanted to be a model too. Like, seriously). However, I haven't really found my next dream. I mean, I suppose I could go back to writing, but I have NOTHING to write about! In high school, there was drama that I could pull from. It was easy to be creative. I haven't really written since I joined the military. A few poems here and there, but that's been it.

Honestly, though? What am I doing with my life? Do I always want to be in the military? What would I be doing now if I wasn't in the military? If I had actually done well in college the first time around, and graduated? (Totally off topic, but has any other HIMYM fans who also happen to watch Glee noticed that Ranjeet is kinda like Glee's pianist in that he's always around when he's needed? Weird. And amusing lol)

Back on topic. How do I figure out what my purpose is in life (along with being a real parent), what I'm meant to do? WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE??

Is this considered a midlife crisis? I mean, I'm 25, and that's halfway to 50 so... Yes?

But seriously. Life is short. I should be doing more with the life God gave me than sitting on my couch watching t.v. all the time. I should be out, experiencing life, and doing things outside of my house (and indoors, like cleaning consistently). I'm disappointed in myself. My future self should come back to now and slap me for being such a recluse. My present self should slap myself right now for being such a recluse (if you were wondering, no I didn't slap myself just now). Seriously though... something's gotta change. It's a shame my mind feels like it needs an instruction manual to function properly...and that even the simple answers don't seem complicated enough (I don't know why I feel like everything in life has to be difficult...), and I always psych myself out before trying new things (to include going out in public). I am ashamed of myself.

I really need to change...