Leave it to me to not write a post for awhile, and then when I do I write about something depressing that I'm sure not a lot of people think or talk about very often. I don't either, actually I very rarely think about this, but I find it strange that I thought about it today (I think it's been a few years since I last seriously thought about this). Wondering what it is?
On my drive home today, I found myself thinking about death. Well...not so much death itself, but what happens after death. And not so much to our bodies, but to us. Our personalities. Our memories. Things that aren't so physical and easy to explain. For some reason, I can't accept that things just...stop. Like...what happens to our souls? Wondering about that really just makes it real that you're alive one day, and possibly the next...that's it. The end. There is no "wait, I didn't do this or say that". It's just...nothing. For those of us who believe in something after death, it's either eternal peace with our perfect bodies in Heaven with God, or eternal torment in the fiery pits of Hell. If you really think about it, eternity is FOREVER. Like, ongoing. Today I found myself wondering, "what if there wasn't a Heaven or a Hell"? What if our spirits just wander- well, maybe not wander, more like...stay- here on Earth? Where's Heaven; where's Hell? I guess that's where faith comes in. But for some reason, I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you die, and either go to Heaven or Hell (if you believe in that) for all of eternity. Is the afterlife just like living a real life, only your body is dead and your spirit is in another...place? Maybe it's just how my brain is, and how I think, I don't know. What I do know, is that when I think about things like the afterlife, it really makes me nervous and anxious about death. Because that's it. There's no restart button. No heart pieces to get extra lives. It's just the end. We won't know if there's an afterlife until we die, and I'm not so sure I like not knowing (not like I really have a choice).
But it does make you think about the life you're living; if you were to die tomorrow, or even in your sleep, would you be at peace with the life that you led? You may not accomplish everything that you wanted or thought you'd accomplish before your life was over, but would you be proud of what you did do with the time that you had? It kinda makes me appreciate life a little more when I think about how final death is... At the same time, it makes me anxious because it's like there's things that I want to do but since I don't know when my time is up, there's no way of knowing if I'll even have time to do what I'd like to do. That's not to say that I shouldn't at least try, but at the same time, I don't want to rush and try to do everything either, you know? I don't know. I just had to get this out there, or else it would've bothered me for who knows how long. But now that I've voiced my thoughts in some way, I can now push it to the back of my mind until it decides to subconsciously make it's appearance again.
Oh and by the way, no, I'm not contemplating suicide. I'm not depressed (at the moment) or overwhelmed, these were just thoughts that were on my mind that I wanted to express.
