Pity Parties are my specialty. Especially when they're for me, hosted by me, and only attended by me.

Church today was great. The talks in Sacrament were great, Sunday School was...interesting but great as well, and the combined Relief Society/Priesthood talks/lessons were great. During the last hour, the lesson was definitely something I needed to hear, but instead of acknowleding my faults and my low self-esteem and moving on, I stayed stuck on them. And that killed my mood. I concentrated on some of the major things that wrong with me and then assumed that's why I'm still alone. Okay yes, I have family, and friends here and there but I guess I should remind you that my family is 2,000 miles away on the other side of the country, friends that I would hang out with are also on the other side of the country (or not even in the country, for that matter), and then the"friends" I supposedly have here don't seem to really exist. It's more like I have acqaintances instead of friends. I talk myself out of physically talking to guys that I like because let's face it; guys don't date single moms. And why should they? I don't deserve that kind of happiness, no matter how badly I want it. I forfeited the right to that when I got pregnant. I don't even know why I'm complaining about something I brought on myself, and talking about it only makes it worse so... I'm done. I'm done trying. I'm done caring.

I quit.