Done.

 I'm done. Done trying, done caring. I'm advised to get out there and try to meet new friends and do things with other people. Well I tried. I've sent texts to people and tried to be friendly with people in my ward and at work. But what am I supposed to do when people don't respond to my texts, or mention parties that I didn't know about, and when I ask for details they don't respond? Really? When I ask what's going on or what is there to do on the weekends, I'm not asking because I want to hang out by myself. It's because I want to hang out with YOU. duh.  What's the point of trying to put myself out there if no one wants to hang out with me? What, is there something wrong with me? I'm just done trying to be friends with people who don't seem to be interested in hanging out with me at all. Maybe I'm meant to spend every weekend in my apartment, alone.

Untitled

So the actual file has a name, but I don't really like it, so for now this is Untitled. For those who were wondering, this is just something that came to me while I was at work; it's not based on anyone or anything. I'm pretty excited that I actually was able to remember this, and couldn't wait to put it up! I am by no means a perfect writer, but it's something I enjoy doing, and it's even better when you don't have to force the creative juices to flow! So anyway, now that I'm done rambling, here's my creative tidbit :) BTW- yes, I meant to end it the way that I did :D

She awoke to the pink and orange rays of the sun beginning its slow ascent over the ocean line coming through the curtains that lead to the balcony. Smiling, she sighs and looks up at the man lying next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. She observes the peaceful look on his face, listens to his steady breathing, placing her hand on his chest as she watches it rise and fall with each tranquil breath. As quietly as possible, she pulls back the covers and climbs out of their queen-size bed. Pulling her red silk robe off of the back of a chair, she puts it on and opens the sliding glass door and steps out into the bright light that awaits her. Despite her fear of heights, deep bodies of water, and being near the edge of anything, she steps up to the railing; her eyes close while she softly inhales the scent of the ocean, enjoying the cool breeze and listening to the sound of the ocean’s waves crashing gently against the massive ship. Behind closed lids, the events of the past two days float across her mind- walking out of the temple hand in hand with her eternal companion, her love, her best friend; the masquerade themed reception that went off with very few problems… She sighs in newly-wedded bliss and leans forward toward the sun, basking in the early morning light. The breeze blows against her robe, causing it to ripple across her arms and legs, but she does not notice. Caught up in her own thoughts and her surroundings, she also does not notice that she’s no longer alone on the balcony as two strong arms make their way around her waist and pull her close in a loving embrace.

Although she was startled at first, he immediately reassures her by softly pressing his lips to the back of her neck- something that only he would do. Looking out over the ocean at the rising sun, he rests his head on her shoulder and, breathing in her scent, whispers ever so softly…

“Good morning, Mrs. . .”

 

BALLIN'!!!

Today in Gospel Principles we talked about discovering our talents. There are a few things I'm good at, like singing, writing, playing basketball...I'm sure that list goes on. Anyway, we also talked about how we shouldn't hide our talents, and instead to improve in our talents and use them to help others and to help ourselves enjoy the lives we've been given.

Now- I'm still working on developing my writing talents. I don't know if I'll get back into writing stories again, but I do plan on writing poetry again. I kinda miss it. Maybe I'll write the occasional short story or something like it if it will help get what I'm feeling out of my system. We'll see. But writing is definitely a work in progress for me.

Tomorrow (or later on this morning) I'm going to the gym and getting back on the basketball court. It's been too long since I've played, and I miss playing the sport. I bought new basketball shoes Saturday (finally, after talking about getting a new pair for a long time), so tomorrow I will be breaking those suckers in shooting some hoops and just enjoying being on the court. I also have to work on being able to dunk a basketball. That is how I will help our G.P. teacher. By doing a slam dunk ha ha. We'll see how that goes.

All right...I suppose I should get back to writing this paper. Figures, whenever I have a paper to write I also have something to blog about. It's happened for the past few papers. I'm not really going to complain, because then it helps clear my head to actually write said paper. So hooray for that I guess lol.

Go figure...

I make sure that I actually make it in time for Stake Conference today, and not only is it in a different place (the Ogden Tabernacle), it's also at 3pm. Are.You.Serious. *sigh* So now I'm awake, I was going to take a nap but changed my mind. I think I'm just going to go to the Single's Ward today...

Wow. It's been awhile since I've updated my blog. Let's see... what's happened lately...I unplugged my cable box and will be getting rid of my cable because it takes up entirely too much of my time and I found out that "hiding" the remote does not deter me from watching T.V. when I get home from work, or any other time that I'm awake. T.V. has been keeping me from going to the gym or working out, staying on top of cleaning, and getting my homework done effectively so...I'm getting rid of it. It was going to happen eventually anyway, what with the upcoming deployment. Being a little early never hurt anyone.

Yesterday, I went to Pineview Reservoir for a birthday party of a girl in the Single's Ward. That drive took FOREVER. I had never been there before, and the whole time I was driving I thought I had gotten lost (even though I followed the directions), because I've never been there before. It's really nice up there, the scenery is beautiful, along with the lake. For some reason I didn't think of a lake when I heard we were going to the Reservoir, so I didn't bring a swimsuit or anything. It was nice to just walk in the water though. I also made a new friend or two there, both the birthday girl and her friend that came with. Not a lot of people came, but it was fun nonetheless :) I think I'll have to go back up there one day. Not by myself, of course.

I got up the nerve to get the number of one of the guys in the Single's Ward and texted him last night. Nothing too major, just a small conversation. I dunno if it will go anywhere, but I'm fine with just meeting new people and having friends to talk to.

You might remember (the few who actually read my blog) a few posts ago that I talked about growing out my relaxed hair and cutting it off once my natural hair was long enough. I didn't cut my hair, but it's now in braids 1) to help the hair grow without me having to comb it every day, and 2) I'm about to deploy and don't want to deal with that craziness LOL. Before I got it braided though, I tried a few things that's been mentioned on a few of the natural hair care sites I've found:

here I believe I just wet my hair and put my hair product in while it was still wet, and let it air dry. Oh man, My hair was SUPER short when it all dried, because once the water was gone, it shrunk haha. It was still cute though.

lets see...here I tried flat twisting my hair (should've used bobby pins like the directions said LOL), and then taught myself how to put a scarf on and keep it on my head.

My first attempt at trying some type of mohawk dealie... Lots of bobby pins and my yellow flower hair clip. It turned out way better than I thought it would for a first try :)

Okay. For an exercise I decided to do my own two strand twist so I wouldn't have to deal with forcing a ponytail every time I had to put my gas mask on  (right). The one of the left is when I finally took them all out. 

And this is what I look like now! Yay! :)

Other than that, there isn't much going on in my life...Arianna is doing wonderfully well with my parents. She's sitting up on her own and eating baby food, hanging up on people when they try to t talk to her (which she did to me the last time I called home haha), babbling away...People are always like "oh, it must be SO hard being away from your daughter"...At first I was just like "yeah, it is", but it's been said so much that it's gotten quite frustrating. I really don't need you stating the obvious every time you see me. Yes. It's hard being away from Arianna and not being able to see her grow and progress and learn new things every day. I feel bad about it all the time. That being said, it's for the best that she's with my parents right now. Please stop trying to guilt trip me into bringing her back sooner than it was meant to be (and yes, that's aimed at a certain person at work). 

All right...I think I've caught you all up on what's going on in my life, so...til next time! :)

Letter to Myself

Dear Self,

STOP BEING SUCH A WIMP. GEEZE! You can't hide behind your blog and the wall you've put up for the rest of your life, at some point you'll have to actually open up and talk to the people that you care about. Life's about taking risks, and even if you THINK you know what the other person is going to say, it doesn't mean that they're actually going to say it, no matter how long you've known them. You'll never know what could happen unless you talk, otherwise you'll just live a life full of regret and "what ifs". Seriously. It's frustrating. JUST DO IT ALREADY!

Love,
Shenise :)

I think I see a trend forming...

I'm noticing that whenever I have a paper to write, I also have some serious subject on my mind that makes it difficult to really focus on my paper. The subject this time? Love. I've noticed a lot of the blogs that I follow (and they're a lot- I know, I'm a creeper haha) have talked about love, and now I've got it on the brain. Which is now preventing me from working on my paper.

So...I'm sure we've all had conversations with a guy (be it significant others or just a guy that we have a crush on), and you just get that feeling that you know that you love him, and you know you want to tell them that you love them, but you're nervous to because you either a) don't know how they'll react to what you have to say, or b) you know exactly what they're going to say, and you don't want to hear them say it. Yeah. That's pretty much what's going in my head right now. It's something that's been in the back of my head. I mean, if you look at the blog posts from awhile back, it's pretty obvious, right? I don't know why I'm so nervous about it now. Urgh I hate when serious subjects prevent me from focusing on school work. I hate when I know what I want to say, but...I guess knowing what will be said would feel like rejection to me...I don't know.

I don't like not knowing. *sigh*

Yet again, another testimony of D&C 9:8-9

So after reading the texts from my mom, and really thinking about what she was saying, and looking at my situation, I realize that the thought of adoption only really comes to mind when I feel guilty about not being able to take care of her myself. I feel like I'm placing my mom responsibilities to my parents because I'm not ready to take care of her on my own yet. But I feel like I should be ready. I thought I would be ready when I got back from the deployment that we're about to go on, but I don't think that I will be. I think that breakdown was Heavenly Father's way of telling me that I'm not ready to raise her on my own just yet.