I think I need to clear my head

Which is probably why I haven't been able to do much more research for my essay due on Monday (I think). Come to think of it, there IS a lot that is on my mind, all at the same time...

Firstly, I'm starting to grow the relaxed part of my hair out until the new growth is long enough, and then getting the relaxed parts of my hair cut off. For those who don't know what a relaxer does to African American hair, it's a chemical treatment that straightens our hair. Like, REALLY straightens our hair. As with other hair chemicals, you get it done too much, and you'll end up damaging your hair, and spending tonnes of money on getting your hair bone straight. So, I'm working on going natural- which means NO chemicals in my hair. It's been forever since I've had a relaxer put in, but I know it will take awhile for the new growth to be long enough before I'm comfortable cutting it. The only thing with going this way is the fact that this whole process requires PATIENCE. Something I'm not really good at. At least I can work on an important skill :) It does get frustrating though, trying to find the right products, trimming the ends, and finding new hairstyles to wear until I cut it. Frustrating because by trimming the ends myself, I made my hair uneven, and because I'm in the military, there isn't much I can do with my hair as far as hairstyling goes. Not to mention I'm deploying for six months in September, so I need to find a hairstyle that is low maintenance and will last for six months. I'm doing my research on it, but it's getting so irritating because I can't decide! And I want to try braiding my own hair, which is something I've never done before, so I'm nervous about it not turning out right.

Which leads into the next thing that's on my mind: moving into a new apartment. The complex I'm living in now has this thing where a military member can get out of their lease if they are deploying, as long as they let management know within 30 days of them leaving. What I would REALLY love is to stay in the complex I'm in now, but move into a 1 or 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment. If I can't, one of the guys that I work with suggested the apartment complex they're living in. It sounds REALLY nice, and it would be especially helpful because his wife offered to watch Arianna while I'm at work so she can live with me and I wouldn't have to worry about paying for daycare, just for her food :) I'm blessed to have a friend who is willing to help me have my daughter with me. The only downside to that is the fact that I would be in another ward, which would make it my third ward since I got here in October. But, if I'm able to bring Arianna back with me, it won't be about me anymore, it will be about her too so I have to do what's best for her. Something to fast about tomorrow :)

I'm hoping that by blogging about what's going on in my head, I'll be able to focus more on getting the research done for my paper and actually writing the darn thing. We'll see how it goes haha. I'm done for now, off to attempt research!

How Can I become the Woman of Whom I Dream?

Gordon B. Hinckley, “How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream?,” Liahona, Jul 2001, 112–15

You are daughters of the Almighty. Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future, if you will take control of it.

Thank you for that beautiful hymn. Thank you for your prayers; thank you for your faith; thank you for what you are. Young women of the Church, thank you so much. And thanks to you, Sister Nadauld, Sister Thomas, Sister Larsen, for the wonderful talks that you have given to these young women tonight.

What a wonderful sight you are in this great hall. Hundreds of thousands of others are assembled across the world. They will hear us in more than a score of languages. Our speech will be translated into their native tongues.

It is an overwhelming responsibility to speak to you. And at the same time it is a tremendous opportunity. I pray for the direction of the Spirit, the Holy Ghost, of which we have heard so much this night.

Though of various nationalities, you are all of one great family. You are daughters of God. You are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In your youth you speak of the future, and it is bright with promise. You speak of hope and faith and achievement. You speak of goodness and love and peace. You speak of a better world than we have ever known.

You are creatures of divinity; you are daughters of the Almighty. Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future, if you will take control of it. Do not let your lives drift in a fruitless and worthless manner.

Someone gave me a copy of my high school yearbook the other day. It seems that when people get tired of old books, they send them to me. I spent an hour thumbing through it, looking at the pictures of my friends of 73 years ago, my high school class of 1928.

Most of those in that yearbook have now lived their lives and gone beyond. Some seem to have lived almost without purpose, while others lived with great achievements.

I looked at the faces of the boys who were my friends and associates. Once they were youthful and bright and energetic. Now those who are left are wrinkled and slow in their walk. Their lives still have meaning, but they are not as vital as they once were. I looked in that old yearbook at the faces of the girls I knew. Many of them have passed on, and the remainder live in the shadows of life. But they are still beautiful and fascinating.

My thoughts go back to those young men and women of my youth, back to where you are today. By and large, we were a happy lot. We enjoyed life. I think we were ambitious. The dark and terrible Depression which swept over the earth would not come for another year. Nineteen twenty-eight was a season of high hopes and splendid dreams.

In our quieter moments we were all dreamers. The boys dreamed of mountains yet to climb and careers yet to be lived. The girls dreamed of becoming the kind of woman that most of them saw in their mothers.

As I have thought of this, I have concluded to title my talk for tonight “How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream?”

Some months ago I spoke to you and the young men of the Church. I suggested six B’s that you ought to pursue. Do you think we could name them together? Let’s try: Be Grateful. Be Smart. Be Clean. Be True. Be Humble. Be Prayerful.

I have not the slightest doubt that these patterns of behavior will yield success and happiness and peace. I recommend them to you again, with a promise that if you will follow them your lives will be fruitful of great good. I believe you will be successful in your endeavors. As you grow old, I am satisfied that you will look back with appreciation for the manner in which you chose to live.

Tonight, in speaking to you young women, I may touch on some of these same things without repeating the same language. They are worthy of repetition, and I again commend them to you.

In the yearbook of which I have spoken is the picture of a young woman. She was bright and effervescent and beautiful. She was a charmer. Life for her could be summed up in one short word—fun. She dated the boys and danced away the days and nights, studying a little but not too much, just enough to get grades that would take her through graduation. She married a boy of her own kind. Alcohol took possession of her life. She could not leave it alone. She was a slave to it. Her body succumbed to its treacherous grip. Sadly, her life faded without achievement.

There is a picture of another girl in that yearbook. She was not particularly beautiful. But she had a wholesome look about her, a sparkle in her eyes, and a smile on her face. She knew why she was in school. She was there to learn. She dreamed of the kind of woman she wanted to be and patterned her life accordingly.

She also knew how to have fun, but knew when to stop and put her mind on other things.

There was a boy in school at the time. He had come from a small rural town. He had very little money. He brought lunch in a brown paper bag. He looked a little like the farm from which he had come. There was nothing especially handsome or dashing about him. He was a good student. He had set a goal for himself. It was lofty and, at times, appeared almost impossible of attainment.

These two fell in love. People said, “What does he see in her?” Or, “What does she see in him?” They each saw something wonderful which no one else saw.

Upon graduating from the university, they married. They scrimped and worked. Money was hard to come by. He went on to graduate school. She continued to work for a time, and then their children came. She gave her attention to them.

A few years ago, I was riding a plane home from the East. It was late at night. I walked down the aisle in the semidarkness. I saw a woman asleep with her head on the shoulder of her husband. She awakened as I approached. I immediately recognized the girl I had known in high school so long before. I recognized the boy I had also known. They were now approaching old age. As we talked, she explained that their children were grown, that they were grandparents. She proudly told me that they were returning from the East, where he had gone to deliver a paper. There at a great convention he had been honored by his peers from across the nation.

I learned that they had been active in the Church, serving in whatever capacity they were asked to serve. By every measure, they were successful. They had accomplished the goals which they had set for themselves. They had been honored and respected and had made a tremendous contribution to the society of which they were a part. She had become the woman of whom she had dreamed. She had exceeded that dream.

As I returned to my seat on the plane, I thought of those two girls of whom I have spoken to you tonight. The life of the one had been spelled out in a three-letter word: F–U–N. It had been lived aimlessly, without stability, without contribution to society, without ambition. It had ended in misery and pain and early death.

The life of the other had been difficult. It had meant scrimping and saving. It had meant working and struggling to keep going. It had meant simple food and plain clothing and a very modest apartment in the years of her husband’s initial effort to get started in his profession. But out of that seemingly sterile soil there had grown a plant, yes, two plants, side by side, that blossomed and bloomed in a beautiful and wonderful way.

Those beautiful blossoms spoke of service to fellowmen, of unselfishness one to another, of love and respect and faith in one’s companion, of happiness as they met the needs of others in the various activities which they pursued.

As I pondered the conversation with these two, I determined within myself to do a little better, to be a little more dedicated, to set my sights a little higher, to love my wife a little more dearly, to help her and treasure her and look after her.

And so, my dear, dear young friends, I feel so earnest, so sincere, so anxious to say something to you this night which will help you become the woman of whom you dream.

As a starter, there must be cleanliness, for immorality will blight your life and leave a scar that will never entirely leave you. There must be purpose. We are here to accomplish something, to bless society with our talents and our learning. There can be fun, yes. But there must be recognition of the fact that life is serious, that the risks are great, but that you can overcome them if you will discipline yourselves and seek the unfailing strength of the Lord.

Let me first assure you that if you have made a mistake, if you have become involved in any immoral behavior, all is not lost. Memory of that mistake will likely linger, but the deed can be forgiven, and you can rise above the past to live a life fully acceptable unto the Lord where there has been repentance. He has promised that He will forgive your sins and remember them no more against you (see D&C 58:42).

He has set up the machinery with helpful parents and Church leaders to assist you in your difficulty. You can put behind you any evil with which you have been involved. You can go forward with a renewal of hope and acceptability to a far better way of life.

But there will be scars that will remain. The best way, the only way for you, is to avoid any entrapment with evil. President George Albert Smith used to say, “Stay on the Lord’s side of the line” (Sharing the Gospel with Others, sel. Preston Nibley [1948], 42). You have within you instincts, powerful and terribly persuasive, urging you at times to let go and experience a little fling. You must not do it. You cannot do it. You are daughters of God with tremendous potential. He has great expectations concerning you, as do others. You cannot let down for a minute. You cannot give in to an impulse. There must be discipline, strong and unbending. Flee from temptation, as Joseph fled from the wiles of Potiphar’s wife.

There is nothing in all this world as magnificent as virtue. It glows without tarnish. It is precious and beautiful. It is above price. It cannot be bought or sold. It is the fruit of self-mastery.

You young women spend a lot of time thinking of the boys. You can have a good time with them, but never overstep the line of virtue. Any young man who invites or encourages you or demands that you indulge in any kind of sexual behavior is unworthy of your company. Get him out of your life before both yours and his are blighted. If you can thus discipline yourselves, you will be grateful for as long as you live. Most of you will marry, and your marriage will be much the happier for your earlier restraint. You will be worthy to go to the house of the Lord. There is no adequate substitute for this marvelous blessing. The Lord has given a wonderful mandate. He has said, “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly” (D&C 121:45). This becomes a commandment to be observed with diligence and discipline. And there is attached to it the promise of marvelous and wonderful blessings. He has said to those who live with virtue:

“Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God. …

“The Holy Ghost”—of which we have spoken tonight—“shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever” (D&C 121:45–46).

Could there be a greater or more beautiful promise than this?

Find purpose in your life. Choose the things you would like to do, and educate yourselves to be effective in their pursuit. For most it is very difficult to settle on a vocation. You are hopeful that you will marry and that all will be taken care of. In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so.

Study your options. Pray to the Lord earnestly for direction. Then pursue your course with resolution.

The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it. You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part.

I was in the hospital the other day for a few hours. I became acquainted with my very cheerful and expert nurse. She is the kind of woman of whom you girls could dream. When she was young she decided she wished to be a nurse. She received the necessary education to qualify for the highest rank in the field. She worked at her vocation and became expert at it. She decided she wanted to serve a mission and did so. She married. She has three children. She works now as little or as much as she wishes. There is such a demand for people with her skills that she can do almost anything she pleases. She serves in the Church. She has a good marriage. She has a good life. She is the kind of woman of whom you might dream as you look to the future.

For you, my dear friends, the sky is the limit. You can be excellent in every way. You can be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Particularly, pay no attention to what some boy might say to demean you. He is no better than you. In fact, he has already belittled himself by his actions. Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities, and forever and always be loyal to the Church.

Never forget that you came to earth as a child of the divine Father, with something of divinity in your very makeup. The Lord did not send you here to fail. He did not give you life to waste it. He bestowed upon you the gift of mortality that you might gain experience—positive, wonderful, purposeful experience—that will lead to life eternal. He has given you this glorious Church, His Church, to guide you and direct you, to give you opportunity for growth and experience, to teach you and lead you and encourage you, to bless you with eternal marriage, to seal upon you a covenant between you and Him that will make of you His chosen daughter, one upon whom He may look with love and with a desire to help. May God bless you richly and abundantly, my dear young friends, His wonderful daughters.

Of course there will be some problems along the way. There will be difficulties to overcome. But they will not last forever. He will not forsake you.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done. …

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
(“Count Your Blessings,” Hymns, no. 241)

Look to the positive. Know that He is watching over you, that He hears your prayers and will answer them, that He loves you and will make that love manifest. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in all that you do as you look to become the kind of woman of whom you dream. You can do it. You will have friends and loved ones to help. And God will bless you as you pursue your course. This, girls, is my humble promise and prayer in your behalf, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

let the creative juices flow! ^_^

How Do I?

How do I
See what You see
Beyond the imperfections
That is so obvious to me
When I look in the mirror?

How do I
Feel what You feel
Have the confidence that You have
In me when I
Compare myself to others
And think I’ll never measure up to them?

How do I
Love like You love
Opening up my heart
And breaking down the walls
Allowing myself true happiness
Using the hurt as a lesson learned?

How do I?




I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

Something I need to put up pretty much everywhere I look in my apartment...

The Serenity Prayer
	God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr In loving memory of Fr Bertram Griffin -- 1932-2000 Requiescat in Pace
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3, 5-6

Dude...

I am SO ready to go back to Utah it's not even funny. Being out here is depressing. Yeah, there were the fun moments, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel pretty much ignored by a majority of the people that I work with, mostly because I don't drink. Man I wish I could change my job...Because I surely would in a heartbeat. I do not like the work environment, I pretty much don't fit in because I don't drink and I try very hard not to use curse words...I'm just so done doing this job I don't even know why I picked it in the first place. Are my six years up yet?




I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

VEGAS!!!!!

Oh man- so today I was surprised to find out that we were able to go to the strip tonight and see M&M World and the Coca Cola Factory. It was a fun time. I got some stuff at M&M World, took tonnes of pictures while we were out, and got to see the water fountain show at the Belaggio Hotel. My camera (I recorded it) did NOT do this show justice- it was BREATHTAKING in person! We also went into the hotel and saw the garden that they had in there- also BREATHTAKING! Like seriously, there's no way to capture the beauty of that place on a SD card (but I still tried!). I'm REALLY happy I was able to actually tour part of the strip instead of just sitting in a bar with a bunch of weapons people wishing I was sightseeing...Too bad I didn't have my best friend with me too. I know it would've been so much fun if he was here too :)

I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

whew!

Wow- I FINALLY figured out how to change the font on both my blog titles, and now my fonts! YAY! It only took me just about all night, and then just now to figure it out, but I'm happy it works now! This isn't much of a blog post, I just wanted to say that my blog will FINALLY start looking how I want it to look and I'm pretty excited about it ^^

I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

Wedding kicks

So unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to M&M World or the Coca Cola Factory...I will probably have to come back on a weekend or something...

For the past day or two I've been on a wedding kick. Looking at wedding gowns, flower arrangements for my bouquet, rings, masquerade masks ( that's the theme I want for my ring ceremony and reception- I want to base it off of Phantom of the Opera's 'Masquerade'). I got pretty excited about it, so I should probably step back from doing any more wedding window shopping before I try to push someone to try and marry me LOL I wouldn't do that but still it's fun :) Besides, at least I'll have a general idea of what I'll want for my real wedding, right? RIGHT! Yay for being prepared!!! :D

Oh yes...

I will be seeing this place...

and this place tomorrow. I am BEYOND excited!!! :D

Also, I have decided that I'm going to go natural! Which means I'm going to grow out all of the chemically treated hair on my head and stick with my natural head of hair. I'm pretty excited about it...I wanted to do something new with my hair aside from braids (which I have found out the ones that I've been getting have been doing more damage than actually helping my hair grow LOL), and I'm tired of my hair breaking off everytime I comb it *sigh*. Not to mention the many possibilities I have at styling it (when I'm not at work)- I'm pretty stoked about it. Vegas heat isn't getting any better, I'm fairly certain I'm going back to Utah super dark with sunglasses tan haha. A bunch of other branches are here now for Red Flag (bascially all these pilots get to play "tag" in the air) like the Marines, we have a Singapore unit here from Luke in Arizona, a Saudi Arabian unit...and Shaw. It's pretty cool to see different jets and whatnot.

I'm on my last week of my PSY202 class (yay!) and about to start my English Composition II class. I'm ready for that because maybe that will help kick my creative juices into gear and I can actually get some poetry and/or stories coming out again like I used to before I joined the military. We shall see...

houstatlantaVEGAS!!!!

Yep- we are TDY in Vegas right now and I'm pretty excited about that. The heat is KILLER, but the sights are nice. I'm REALLY hoping that this weekend I can get some people together and go sightseeing on the strip because I really want to go to M&M World...The only downside to being here is that I'm not at home where I can check my mail for letters, and I'm unable to go to church *tear*. But I'll definitely be returning when I get back to there's that! Nellis is an okay base, aside from all the craziness that happens outside the gate *sigh*, but the buildings all have that same boring brown color...Did I mention that it's RIDICULOUSLY hot here??? Because yah, it definitely is. I know I'm going home a few shade darker and with a sunglasses tan as well...I'm going to look like a crew chief haha. Aside from that, there's not much else to say about this TDY. We'll see how it goes as the weeks go by!

I Wish...

1) I had friends at work
2) I was pretty
3) I had the self-confidence to believe that I was pretty
4) Sam was able to text or call me :(
5) I was more interesting so other people would want to hang out with me
6) I was more outgoing and not as quiet
7) I had more self- esteem
8) I didn't feel like such a burden to those that do want to hang out with me (what a rarity that is...)
9) I lived closer to home
10) I was able to have my daughter live with me
11) I worked day shift so I could have my daughter live with me and go to daycare while I worked
12) I had a different job in the Air Force
13) I wasn't single
14) I didn't have these stupid mood swings

Single's Ward

So this is another one of those instances where it will be easier to type about my experiences than writing them because I'm bound to forget something. So, here's my day:

Of course, I went to the Camelot family ward, and it was the same as usual, pretty good. We had missionaries sit in on our Gospel Essentials class, and we talked about life after death. It was a nice lesson, it reminded me of one of the reasons why I joined the Church: because there is life after death, you don't just die and get buried in a grave and stay there. In Relief Society the lesson was on Temples and the covenants that can be done there. Nothing specific about what goes on, just that we have baptismal covenants, and other covenants as well. It was a good lesson from the temple prep manual (maybe I should look for it).

Then...single's ward. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty nervous becasue I wasn't sure what to expect. I can tell you one thing I definitely wasn't expecting- a black guy to walk in. First time I've seen that. There were a lot of new people in the ward today. Fast and Testimony meeting was...quiet LOL. Sunday school was interesting, talking about having improper thoughts and what we should do to overcome them. It was an informative lesson, using the story of David and Bath-sheba. Relief Society was something different. Mainly because it's the first time I've actually contributed to a lesson. This one was on President Faust's talk on recognizing how we are daughters of God. It was a great lesson, and I felt like I belonged here. Nice feeling. I think I'll enjoy going to the single's ward, especially once I get back from this TDY. It sucks that I have to go this week for two weeks, but I will definitely be returning to the ward when I get back. It's nice knowing that it's not the way movies depict single's wards LOL. I'm pretty excited to meet people who are my age, and maybe some guys to date :)

mmmm....Eclipse....

First off, I'm going to say that the only redeeming quality that Edward Cullen has is the sideburns. They remind me of Sam's sideburns :) Now, onto what I thought of the movie.


This movie was AMAZING! Oh man, I am SO happy I went to see it. It was both funny, cute, and filled with good action. It followed the book pretty well, and I LOVED how they actually put in scenes of Rosalie's and Jasper's stories, along with the stories from the Quilete council. It was GREAT- kinda how I imagined it when I read the book! Jacob Black- mm mm mm...What to say about Jacob Black...That guy is SEXINESS ON A STICK. Like seriously, every time he came onto the screen, you could hear all of the girls' reaction, and I pretty much melted into my seat. This movie further proves my point that Bella is one of the most selfish and annoying person I have EVER seen on t.v. Seriously girl, you KNOW that Jacob is the better choice (OBVIOUSLY). He's loyal, kind, funny, smart, honest, HOT...and he's a WOLF! I mean, SERIOUSLY?! How can a VAMPIRE compare to a WOLF??? You can't cuddle with a vampire, it's like hugging a cold stone. Vampires can't keep you warm on cold winter nights (as was proven in the movie) like wolves can. Sure, a major downside of being a wolf would be the whole imprinting deal (which IS unfortunate, and kinda sucky), but still. I'd very much prefer being in love with someone who lives and breathes and has a beating heart. The fact that I'd have my very own pet without spending any money is a bonus too. *sigh* I don't think I'll EVER like Bella, simply because she ignores what's best for her. What if she hadn't even met Edward first, but Jacob instead? I wonder how that story would turn out...I mean come on. What he told Bella before he kissed her? Totally made me weak in the knees...and if I had been her I would've DEFINITELY been like, SCREW EDWARD! hahaha


Another part about the movie that I liked was Charlie. He was such a father in this movie, and his comments were SO funny LOL. Oh! Also, Jacob and Edward's rivalry- AWESOME! I really wish they had quotes up because I would definitely be posting some of them.  I don't know, it was just so cute. Once clips start coming up, I'll probably post those and quotes as well, because so many of them (mostly by Jacob- like what he said before he kissed her) are ones that I want to put in my journal.


I'll end this post by saying that my favorite vampire is now Jasper. He's just so old fashioned and kinda handsome, and his southern accent just adds to it. If Alice didn't already have him (and their relationship is SO adorable in this movie, I LOVE how they elaborated on it), I'd try my hand at getting him :)

*sigh*

I know that Sam's on his mission and it's an everyday thing, but just thinking about it makes me depressed. Simply because every day he has something to do. Even on the weekends. Whereas, here I sit this 4th of July weekend with nothing to do, no one to hang out with, and no one to talk to. I'm pretty much by myself. My mailbox has been empty all week (meaning no letters), AND I don't have friends to hang out with...Or anyone for that matter *sigh* Maybe I SHOULD start going to the single's ward...At least THAT way I'll know SOME people who are my age and who might want to hang out with me...I need to find a way to not be so dependent on hearing from Sam each week *sigh*