Happy Birthday to me!

Today (yesterday, by the time this posts), I turned this lovely number:

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty depressed; 1) I found out on Friday that I had to work 12 hour shifts this weekend (obviously that didn't happen, seeing as I'm home writing this right now haha), and 2) I was spending my birthday alone. However, God helped improve my day :) First, I got my tattoo done. It didn't really hurt much, it just felt like someone was ripping off a piece of waxing paper slowly off my arm LOL. Anyway, the end result was REALLY good, and this is what it looks like:

The funny thing is that when he was done, it felt like that part of my arm was on fire lol. In case you couldn't tell, the tattoo is kinda on the larger part on my wrist.

After that, I went home and checked my mail. My family (my immediate family and my grandmother) sent me cards! And I also got a present from my parents! The cards were cute, especially the one from Arianna- she "signed" it :) When I called my mom today, I also got to talk to Arianna then, and she said "Happy Birthday", "hi", "how you doin", and "I love you." 
: D Needless to say, that was a highlight of my day.

At some point I went to the mall, and got a few things. My favorite find of the day? I bought a Team Jacob shirt from Hot Topic. Yes, I know I'm 23, I probably shouldn't be all teenager obsessed over Twilight, but have you SEEN Jacob??? That is one sexy mother (SHUT YOUR MOUTH hahaha!)... mmm mmm mmm Jacob Black *girly sigh* I could probably stare at you all day...

Okay. Now that I've fixed my Jacob Black picture fix...On to the rest of my day! I came across this amazingly dangerous bakery that's like a two minute drive from me: The Sweet Tooth Fairy.

 Of the cupcakes that are here, I got the red velvet cupcake (second from the left on that bottom row), and the strawberry shortcake (the one right above the red velvet)

Cakebites. I also had three of these, a coconut and peanut butter (?) one, a chocolate and fudge one, and a red velvet one!

The reason why I say this place is amazingly dangerous is because it is. The cakebites and the red velvet cupcake was like heaven in my mouth. Sooooo mouthwateringly delicious... I had the hardest time deciding what I wanted because EVERYTHING LOOKED SO GOOD! Like seriously, this bakery looked like it could've been on the Food Network Channel, or TLC. I will DEFINITELY go back there again (most likely numerous times, haha!)!!

I also had to work today, but thankfully we didn't work the full 12 hours (once again, that's obvious seeing as I'm posting this haha). All in all, today went from being pretty depressing to pretty darn awesome. It's so amazing to see how God can turn our sad days into happy days : D

And now, I think I will get ready for bed... Gotta get up for church!

Later gators!

Th Sensitive Doer and other personality test results that are oddly accurate...

Thanks to Katie for the link to the first personality test (which you can see *HERE*), and also to Chrissie, who had links to the first one and another one as well (the second one can be found -HERE-). What's interesting is that the Big Five test was oddly on point.

Shenise Edmonds's personality type: "Sensitive Doer"

Quiet, serious, sensitive and kind. Do not like conflict and not likely to do things which may generate conflict. Loyal and faithful. Extremely well-developed senses and aesthetic appreciation for beauty. Not interested in leading or controlling others. Flexible and open-minded. Likely to be original and creative. Enjoy the present moment.

Careers that could fit Shenise Edmonds include:

Artists, musicians, composers, designers, child care workers, social workers, counselors, teachers, veterinarians, forest rangers, naturalists, bookkeepers, carpenters, personal service workers, clerical supervisors, secretaries, dental and medical staffers, waiters and waitresses, chefs, nurses, mechanics, physical therapists, x-ray technicians.

For some reason the chart won't show up : / Oh well. The interesting thing about this one is in the careers. When I originally joined the Air Force, I wanted to have some type of administrative job, mainly in Personnel (how I ended up being a maintainer is still a mystery to me). I'm hoping that in the next few years, I'll be able to crosstrain into that job. Also, I have been a waitress before, and I actually enjoyed it. But maybe next time it won't be at a family restaurant...Or maybe I will. I don't know. That's if I were able to, probably not seeing as I'm in the military...Either way I do miss that job...

The other personality test was called the Big Five, and these are my results from that:

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (22%) low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private. Accommodation (56%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (60%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, neat, structured and restrained at the expense too often of flexibility, variety, spontaneity, and fun. Emotional Stability (32%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Inquisitiveness (16%) very low which suggests you are overly small minded, traditional, and conventional at the expense too often of intellectual curiousity, possibility, and progress.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

 
Another link that came with this test is called RLOAN, and this is what that said:
 

RLOAN

(3.4% of women; 1.3% of men)

not spontaneous, prefers organized to unpredictable, reserved, fearful, unadventurous, anxious, insecure, plays it safe, more responsible than pleasure seeking, easily intimidated, risk averse, easily frightened, uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations, easily hurt, attached to conventional ways, maintains spaces in orderly manner, second guesses self, backs down when threatened, afraid of providing criticism, quiet around strangers, afraid to draw attention to self, worrying, overwhelmed by unpleasant emotions frequently, averse to crowds, private, easily moved to tears, fears failure, does not like arguments, unable to disregard rules, unable to speak up for self, embarrassed easily, easy to persuade, finishes most things they start, not good at telling jokes, not very curious, modest, depressed, feels ordinary, not wild and crazy, planner, prone to panic, organized, not big on philosophical discussions, skeptical, apologetic, values rules and regulations, prefers to finish things ahead of schedule, socially unskilled, inflexible, punctual


Those results where the ones that were oddly accurate about me (at least I think so). I find it a little bit creepy actually haha. But I guess that's all that I wanted to post for now. I'll probably post again at some point...

You are...Where???

I have a 6 year career in the Air Force (3 of which I will have completed on Friday). I'm working on my Bachelor's in English taking online classes. I have a 14 month old daughter. With all of this going on, you'd think I would have my life together, that I knew what I wanted to do with my life. Right? WRONG! Even though I have all of this going on, this is what I feel like right now:

The truth? I have NO CLUE what I'm doing. I mean, yeah I'm doing what I THINK I should be doing as far as going to school goes, but is it really what I WANT to be doing right now? I'm not going to lie, I'm not enjoying these online classes that I've been taking. I suppose it should be easier because I don't have to worry about driving to class, but to be honest- I miss that. I like physically interacting with teachers and students. Being able to get help right then if I need it...Just physically being around others that makes learning...fun. I feel that with online classes, I'm not really being held to much. Yeah, there are a few things that need to be done by certain days, but it's not the same as actually going to a class, you know? I miss that experience. All that being said, I don't even know if I WANT to study English anymore. I mean, yes I love to read and write, but what can I do with that once I'm out of the military? Teaching is out of the question, so I'm not left with much else... So I guess the question here is-Why am I taking classes right now when I don't even enjoy it? It is such a struggle to get my assignments done (and making sure they're done on time for that matter), doing the reading is a chore in itself... I just don't have the motivation to get it done. Is that a sign that taking classes just isn't for me? Most likely. I think once I finish this class, I'm talking to my academic advisor about taking a break from classes for a bit, or just withdrawing altogether.

There's not much that I can do about my current career... It has its good days and bad days (what job doesn't?), but with the way the economy is and how hard it is to find a job, I can't complain about being in the military. Although...I am counting down my time until I can retrain into a different job in the Air Force (only about two more years left!)... So there isn't much that I can do on that one.

When it comes to my daughter...I won't put that on here. But I WILL say that I'm comfortable with the decision that I've made. I just hope that some others will be too... I think they will though :)

All of that being said, I still feel lost! I'm turning 23 on Saturday, and while physically I feel like I'm 40, emotionally I feel like I'm still a teenager. I mean, there are people my age if not younger that are married and are starting families, or are working on their careers, or anything else to further their lives. Why does this seem so HARD for me?? Why is it that I have the hardest time staying motivated to do things that should IMPROVE my life (like studying for Staff Sargeant, for one; going to college for another)? *sigh*

OH! And lets not forget that I'm also trying to figure out where I am in my faith and what I actually believe without being influenced by the opinions of those around me. I'm trying to start from the beginning, and working up from my basic beliefs about Jesus Christ and the Bible... However, being in Utah, and also being that I'm technically still LDS, I feel indirectly pressured to continue going to either the single's ward or family ward even though I'm starting to rethink things. I'm not saying that the LDS faith is a lie, because who REALLY knows what's true and what's not? So for now, I am a non-denominational Christian. This is my starting block, and I will build from there. If it's in God's plan for me to follow a certain denomination, then that's what I will do. But for now, I am Christian.

I just can't believe that I'm turning 23 so soon... I feel like my life is going by SUPER fast, and there's no way for me to slow it down so I can actually enjoy it for once... I need time to figure out what I want to do with my life; I don't like the feeling of being lost like this!

Happy Easter!

(hahaha, I'm sorry I couldn't help myself ^.^)

So today I did things a little different... I went to a different church. It was actually really nice- totally different from what I'm used to, but I still enjoyed the atmosphere and the sermon (which is apparently the beginning of a 5 week series. I'm actually quite interested to hear more for the next few weeks) was thoughtful and definitely opened my eyes to a few things that I hadn't really thought about before, but came to mind from my scripture reading today, and what my parents have told me in the past (once again more proof that our parents actually know what they're talking about ha). My favorite verse (in this case, verses) is from 1 Corinthians 15: 17-18:

And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile;  you are still in your sins.

Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost.

Pretty deep, right? I thought so. Anyway, my Easter has been pretty uneventful, but it's still a good day. Now, I think it's time for a nap.

Expectations... Or lack thereof

In case you didn't know, this post is about not having expectations. For awhile, I would always expect things from people. Mostly just common courtesy stuff or whatever... I would always expect things to turn out way better than they usually did, and when they didn't, I would be crushed, hurt, angry, depressed... Mostly these expectations were around when I was in a relationship, or seeing someone, and somehow I was always let down. So, the lesson learned from this is that it's always better to not have expectations about anything. This way, if things end up going well it's something you didn't expect and you can be happy about it. However, if things ended up going really wrong or just wrong in general, you can't be too upset because you didn't have anything to be expectant now. For example, when I text people, it's gotten to a point where I don't even expect them to respond (unless they're my parents and Sam, because they're usually good at responding when they get the chance to). If I do, I'm practically staring at my phone waiting for a text back; when I don't get one it pretty much kills the rest of my day. If I'm not expecting anything from them, then I have no reason to get upset or depressed or angry (but in some cases- like a current situation going on right now *sigh*). Sure, it would be nice to get a response, but if I don't get one, then it's whatever. Is it frustrating, heck yes. There's nothing more that I hate (well, other than being used and then being lied to about it) than being ignored. It's just rude! I mean, if you're busy or don't want to talk or whatever, it's really not that hard to just freaking say so. I'm not sure how to end this post, so I'll just leave it at this.

Later gators.

Something New... In more ways than one

Last night the movie "Something New" was on Oxygen. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it! It's basically about an interracial relationship (I LOVE interracial relationships- for those who've known me for quite awhile, know that I've been in one myself- and we're still close friends!)... If I keep talking about it I will end up telling you the whole movie and I won't do that so...moving on! An yway, there was a quote in the movie that inspired me to change the name of my blog to "Let go, let flow." In the movie, one of the Sanaa Lathan's characters talks about this book she was reading or something like that (my memory's fuzzy, I watched this last night, remember?), and she said that the author brought up the point that if we just let go of our lists of what we want in a man, then everything else would just flow and we can figure out what we want and don't want as time goes on and we (hopefully) date. Anyway, that really stuck with me, because that's something that I need to do. I need to just "let go, let flow...". We'll see how well that works over time (haha).

SO! Last week I came up with this idea to help me stay motivated and actually get things done (hopefully). I have a mirror that I just bought last week (and it was a pain in my butt to hang this sucker up- right now it's hanging lopsided on my wall and I have no inclination to fix it), and I came up with this idea to do a "Goal of the Week" thing, to see if that would help me at least accomplish something that week instead of feeling like I'm getting nothing done and that I'm not progressing at all. Last week's goal was to be more patient. I'd say that went fairly well, seeing as there are certain people (or recently, a certain someone) who REALLY try my patience... This week's goal was a little harder. I think I should've worked my way up to this one, because I have such a hard time with it. This week's goal is to manage my free time better. Mainly because I spend it all watching TV, or sitting on Facebook, or blog stalking... Not like there's anything wrong with that, but when I have more important things to do like homework, or studying for Staff, or cleaning my apartment, or reading my scriptures... These all end up being put on the back burner for things like TV and the Internet, and before I know it, the day is gone, my eyes are tired and I've gotten nothing productive done. So, this week I was to try and manage my free time better. I think I failed this week : / I'm deciding what to do for next week's goal; I have a few in mind, but I don't know which one to pick. It might be a more spiritual one, because I REALLY need to get back on track with that... *sigh* But when I finally decide on what next week's goal is, I will be sure to let you all know (what few of you that actually read this thing... I swear I feel like I'm talking to myself sometimes! But I suppose that's okay...It's better than talking to myself in public, right?)!

ONE FINAL THING- Next Saturday (April 30th, for those who don't know) is my 23rd birthday, and I'm thinking about getting a tattoo. This weekend I'll probably check out some places that people have told me about, and then make a decision. I've wanted one for years, but could never decide what I wanted or where I wanted it to go. Besides, tattoos are permanent- they should have meaning, right? Right! And this one will, only I won't put it on here. If I do get it, I'll be sure to take a picture though!

And I suppose that's it! Maybe one of my goals should be to blog more regularly... I don't seem to do this enough. I always tell myself "Hey, you should update your blog today" but then I get sidetracked by something on TV haha. That should be another goal...Cut back on the amount of TV that I watch...

I guess it was going to happen eventually...

Today... I had my first car accident. It was actually my fault...Quite the shocking experience. It wasn't major or anything, I just wasn't able to stop in time and ended up rear-ending the car in front of me. The damage done to the front of my car (although not serious enough to really worry about fixing it)...it's a sad thing to look at. I just feel SO bad... I hit a SMSgt's car : / Yikes. I'm not too sure how I feel about driving now...At least I'll be WAY more careful now (not like I wasn't before haha). But anyway, I don't really have anything else interesting to blog about aside from that, so I suppose that's it! Oh, I tried to post pictures, but they're in compressed files and won't load for some reason... I guess that's okay, since every time I see my car I feel horrible for damaging it like that. I'm so sorry car!!!

*insert witty saying here*

So, my body decided on it's own that it would wake up at 530am for no apparent reason whatsoever and won't let me go back to sleep. I've tried just lying there, hoping that my eyes would gradually close and I would drift off to sleep again, but nope. I guess I'm not that lucky. So...The only thing left to do (aside from finish some homework that's due later tonight), is to blog! I actually had a really nice blog post done last week that I was REALLY proud of (mainly because I did it all on my phone), but then I couldn't post it :/ So that kinda sucked. But anyway, I'll just make this post with little bullets or squiggly lines or something haha.

~ Tea tree oil is the bomb for when your scalp itches. The tingly feeling is pretty refreshing, it reminds me of a tingly mint feeling (even though it smells NOTHING like mint)

~ Is it weird that I want to name my hair, but I don't have a name for my car?

~ Can't believe that in... 23(?) days I will be 23 years old.

~ I also can't believe that in 22 days I will have been in the Air Force for 3 years. Three years down, three more to go!

~ There's nothing like finding the right deodorant to keep you from sweating like you ran a marathon when all you did was walk to your car in somewhat nice weather. Thanks, Suave :)

~ There's something about being held by a guy with strong arms that makes me feel extra protected. That's not to say that guys that don't have strong arms are wimpy and unable to protect people, but for me there's just something extra comforting about it. Call me weird, say what you want but it's the truth.

~ I find it interesting that one of the first thing I notice about a guy is their eye color...Yet looking someone in the eye while I'm talking to them makes me REALLY nervous.

~ This Utah weather is REALLY driving me NUTS. When will it actually be springtime here???

~ This kinda ties in with an earlier squiggly, but I also like holding hands with someone who has strong hands. Not sure what that means entirely, but when I hold someone's hand, I can tell by the way mine fits in theirs. My hands aren't wimpy by any means ( I think), but I'd say they're pretty decent haha.

~ I actually enjoy reading my Bible now. There's a lot that I've learned from my reading through the Old Testament, and there's a whole lot that God has shown me during my daily readings in the morning ( I use two different Bibles, but the same translation). I don't think anything compares to coming across a verse (or verses) that especially speak to you or about something that's going on in your life, or something you've been wondering about.

And... I think on that note, that's it! I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Hopefully I can!