I should probably clarify that last post...

Okay, this is my blog, and the reason why I started a blog is to be able to fully express myself when I'm unable to write my thoughts down on paper because my mind moves faster than my hands. So. To further explain the second paragraph of my last post.

As I'm sure many of you have noticed, I have a tendency to be jealous of those who are in relationships. I don't know why- actually I do know why. When I look at others who have significant others, I feel left out. I know I've talked about it before, but I'm talking about it again; I'm not forcing you to read my blog. Anyway, I like being in a relationship. I like knowing that someone wants me and loves me despite my faults and personality, and now the added fact that I have a daughter. But I'm rambling. I'm supposed to clear up my last post. I noticed that I like to pretend that things are there that aren't. For example. When I was in Basic Training, I pretended that I had a boyfriend because other girls in my flight had boyfriends. When Sam left on his mission, I decided to wait for him. That wasn't me pretending though, I really wanted to wait for him. I guess the part that I was pretending about would be that we had something going on now, instead of the 3 or so years ago when we actually dated. I think it's a habit. Am I that desperate to be in a relationship that I'm willing to lie to myself in my head? Seriously? I'm fairly positive that there's a name for whatever this is, because it CAN'T be normal. All I know, is that I have to stop wanting things to the point where it actually feels real in my mind. I dunno. All I have to say is that I need to work on letting go, and letting God, because it's obvious He has something else planned for me :)