Blessings

Today, I am especially grateful for this blessing:

I am also grateful for the blessing of these people:

(just a side note: these are not the sister missionaries I talked to)

In the event you couldn't tell by these two pictures, I went to the temple today. For the first time by myself. It was so nice to be there by myself so I could think about things. And have a conversation with some sister missionaries which made me think some more on something I never actually thought about before. Even though this was my first time going alone, I realized that that's one reason why I love going to the temple- it's easier to think about things there where, although it's in the middle of a city, it's still peaceful inside the fence. I was definitely able to feel and follow the spirit there, and it was truly an amazing feeling. I wish I hadn't waited so long to go, but what held me back from going alone before was the fact that Salt Lake is a city, and I've never really driven in a city before so I was a little apprehensive about it. Today though, I just felt this prompting to go to the temple, and after driving down and spending probably over an hour looking for a place to park (drivers in the city are CRAZY...it was irritating and fun at the same time ha ha), I'm happy I followed that prompting. I can't wait to finally be able to go into the temple :)

Oh yeah...

The point of that last post was to say that being the force behind the Air Force makes me feel pretty proud of my job. Even though it gets boring, and repetitive, and just plain stupid because sometimes loading just gets ridiculous...We should take pride in what we do because it's pretty darn important. Without the flight line, or even better, the Weapons and Ammo career field, there would be no Air Force. Just U.S. Air. I used to think that the little slogans we had in Tech School were just a bunch of little insider jokes, but they really are true. Without us, it really would be just another airline.

Sometimes, I really enjoy my job. And other times I don't.

What's your job?

When I first meet people and I tell them that I'm in the Air Force, the next question they ask is "What do you do?" To which I just say that I'm weapons, where I basically load bombs and missiles onto jets. After doing this job for two years, it kind of gets a little boring and repetitive...But when you really think about it...

It's the United States Air Force. Air Force being the key words. My job is to load the weapons that bring said force to those who bring harm to this country. The jobs on the flight line ARE the force in the United States Air force. Crew Chiefs make sure the jet is good to fly (basically the jet mechanics), E&E takes care of the Engines, Specialists...I'm not sure what they do but I know they put the targeting pods on the jets and they record all the video from the flights I think. And then you have my job. Weapons. It's our job to put warheads on foreheads. Which, in about a week and a half is what we'll be doing. It's kind of a scary thought, loading up a jet with live munitions, and then have them come back empty, because then you know that you did your job correctly. Those warheads got dropped where they needed to be dropped, and most likely killed someone (or animals, so I've heard...), and we're the ones who provided those warheads. I'm not concerned with loading lives because I've done that before, it's the part where the jets leave loaded and come back empty. It's...I don't know. It will be a new experience, but I'm looking forward to it.

Letting Go

I guess it's something that I need to do. Go figure, life decisions come to me when major life events happen. I don't know why that is, but I guess I need major life events to happen to me to be able to put my life into perspective. I also have a math assignment that I need to do, so naturally I blog about something serious ha ha.

So. This particular entry is about letting go. And how I just need to let go of this plan that I have formulated in my head, and let God take control of my life. Now, I'm not entirely sure how to go about this, since I'm not good with not knowing how things go. I like having control of things in my life. That being said, when I have things set out in my head, I like to live according to the plan in my head. However, after a few conversations with a very special best friend of mine, maybe I should think about how much sense the plan in my head makes. Looking back on my past...choices in life and men (mostly men, with the exception of one man), I'm realizing that I've dated/"been with" jerks. And no matter how much effort I put into trying to make them happy and possibly feel the same way about me as I do them, they were still jerks. But, me being the way I was back in high school, I looked past that. Because I wanted people to like me, I was willing to look past how they treated me. Now though, I realize that allowing everyone to walk all over me is not the best way to live my life. I shouldn't be comfortable with living in my own little shell aka my apartment, and instead should be doing things outside of my apartment. Like... shopping, going to the movies, visiting the zoo or the aquarium, or heck, even going into the mountains (especially since I keep talking about how beautiful the mountains are). That is the letting go part. The other part I need to work on is letting God take control of my life.

Now, I'm not entirely sure how to go about this. I'm sure prayer is in there, along with service work and living the commandments and living the Gospel (are both of those the same thing?). Is there a step-by-step process to letting God take control? It probably starts with prayer. That is step one. But what's step two; step three? Maybe the previous paragraph are steps two and three in this plan...I have quite a few "How do I" questions. Like...How do I pray? How do I know when Heavenly Father is speaking to me? How do I recognize the promptings of the Spirit? I'm sure we've all thought that life would be so much easier if we were provided with a map of what we're supposed to do, but then I guess that would defeat the purpose of our being here. So...I guess I pretty much just answered my own question. Huh. Kinda interesting how we can sometimes answer our own questions in things such as blog entries.

*sigh* I suppose I should go work on this math assignment now...

Dear Math

Why must you be so hard to understand sometimes? How is it possible to understand the concept and still pretty much bomb the quiz?? REALLY? What changed between the concept and what's on the quiz? True, I did better than last week (somehow), but that's not good enough. I still have to pass *sigh*. Can you PLEASE just make sense, for me? I would be forever grateful.

Signed,
Someone trying to keep their head above water in this class

Oops...

I forgot one.

14. Get out of my apartment and go on adventures! Even if it's by myself!

Okay I think I'm done :D

One day...

I'm sure it's a phrase we've all said at least once (if not millions of times) a day, usually when we're trying to motivate ourselves to accomplish a goal or be productive. I know that's the case with me. So, I'm dedicating this blog to making a list about things that I will do "One day..."

One day I will...
1. Do my homework when I say I will
2. Finish a book in a month
3. STAY ORGANIZED
4. Get out of my shell and talk to people
5. Make new friends
6. Work out regularly
7. Make a schedule and STICK TO IT
8. Be more diligent in reading my scriptures
9. Figure out how to pray. How do you talk to Heavenly Father like a child does to his father?
10. Do more servicework
11.Get up the courage to talk to a guy
12. Figure out what I want out of life
13. Discover who I really am.

I'll stop at 13, mainly because it's my favorite number. I should probably write these down though, because I know that if I don't, I'll forget ha ha. Maybe on post- it notes...And of course I get this idea right before I deploy...Go figure... *sigh*

Done.

 I'm done. Done trying, done caring. I'm advised to get out there and try to meet new friends and do things with other people. Well I tried. I've sent texts to people and tried to be friendly with people in my ward and at work. But what am I supposed to do when people don't respond to my texts, or mention parties that I didn't know about, and when I ask for details they don't respond? Really? When I ask what's going on or what is there to do on the weekends, I'm not asking because I want to hang out by myself. It's because I want to hang out with YOU. duh.  What's the point of trying to put myself out there if no one wants to hang out with me? What, is there something wrong with me? I'm just done trying to be friends with people who don't seem to be interested in hanging out with me at all. Maybe I'm meant to spend every weekend in my apartment, alone.

Untitled

So the actual file has a name, but I don't really like it, so for now this is Untitled. For those who were wondering, this is just something that came to me while I was at work; it's not based on anyone or anything. I'm pretty excited that I actually was able to remember this, and couldn't wait to put it up! I am by no means a perfect writer, but it's something I enjoy doing, and it's even better when you don't have to force the creative juices to flow! So anyway, now that I'm done rambling, here's my creative tidbit :) BTW- yes, I meant to end it the way that I did :D

She awoke to the pink and orange rays of the sun beginning its slow ascent over the ocean line coming through the curtains that lead to the balcony. Smiling, she sighs and looks up at the man lying next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. She observes the peaceful look on his face, listens to his steady breathing, placing her hand on his chest as she watches it rise and fall with each tranquil breath. As quietly as possible, she pulls back the covers and climbs out of their queen-size bed. Pulling her red silk robe off of the back of a chair, she puts it on and opens the sliding glass door and steps out into the bright light that awaits her. Despite her fear of heights, deep bodies of water, and being near the edge of anything, she steps up to the railing; her eyes close while she softly inhales the scent of the ocean, enjoying the cool breeze and listening to the sound of the ocean’s waves crashing gently against the massive ship. Behind closed lids, the events of the past two days float across her mind- walking out of the temple hand in hand with her eternal companion, her love, her best friend; the masquerade themed reception that went off with very few problems… She sighs in newly-wedded bliss and leans forward toward the sun, basking in the early morning light. The breeze blows against her robe, causing it to ripple across her arms and legs, but she does not notice. Caught up in her own thoughts and her surroundings, she also does not notice that she’s no longer alone on the balcony as two strong arms make their way around her waist and pull her close in a loving embrace.

Although she was startled at first, he immediately reassures her by softly pressing his lips to the back of her neck- something that only he would do. Looking out over the ocean at the rising sun, he rests his head on her shoulder and, breathing in her scent, whispers ever so softly…

“Good morning, Mrs. . .”

 

BALLIN'!!!

Today in Gospel Principles we talked about discovering our talents. There are a few things I'm good at, like singing, writing, playing basketball...I'm sure that list goes on. Anyway, we also talked about how we shouldn't hide our talents, and instead to improve in our talents and use them to help others and to help ourselves enjoy the lives we've been given.

Now- I'm still working on developing my writing talents. I don't know if I'll get back into writing stories again, but I do plan on writing poetry again. I kinda miss it. Maybe I'll write the occasional short story or something like it if it will help get what I'm feeling out of my system. We'll see. But writing is definitely a work in progress for me.

Tomorrow (or later on this morning) I'm going to the gym and getting back on the basketball court. It's been too long since I've played, and I miss playing the sport. I bought new basketball shoes Saturday (finally, after talking about getting a new pair for a long time), so tomorrow I will be breaking those suckers in shooting some hoops and just enjoying being on the court. I also have to work on being able to dunk a basketball. That is how I will help our G.P. teacher. By doing a slam dunk ha ha. We'll see how that goes.

All right...I suppose I should get back to writing this paper. Figures, whenever I have a paper to write I also have something to blog about. It's happened for the past few papers. I'm not really going to complain, because then it helps clear my head to actually write said paper. So hooray for that I guess lol.

Go figure...

I make sure that I actually make it in time for Stake Conference today, and not only is it in a different place (the Ogden Tabernacle), it's also at 3pm. Are.You.Serious. *sigh* So now I'm awake, I was going to take a nap but changed my mind. I think I'm just going to go to the Single's Ward today...

Wow. It's been awhile since I've updated my blog. Let's see... what's happened lately...I unplugged my cable box and will be getting rid of my cable because it takes up entirely too much of my time and I found out that "hiding" the remote does not deter me from watching T.V. when I get home from work, or any other time that I'm awake. T.V. has been keeping me from going to the gym or working out, staying on top of cleaning, and getting my homework done effectively so...I'm getting rid of it. It was going to happen eventually anyway, what with the upcoming deployment. Being a little early never hurt anyone.

Yesterday, I went to Pineview Reservoir for a birthday party of a girl in the Single's Ward. That drive took FOREVER. I had never been there before, and the whole time I was driving I thought I had gotten lost (even though I followed the directions), because I've never been there before. It's really nice up there, the scenery is beautiful, along with the lake. For some reason I didn't think of a lake when I heard we were going to the Reservoir, so I didn't bring a swimsuit or anything. It was nice to just walk in the water though. I also made a new friend or two there, both the birthday girl and her friend that came with. Not a lot of people came, but it was fun nonetheless :) I think I'll have to go back up there one day. Not by myself, of course.

I got up the nerve to get the number of one of the guys in the Single's Ward and texted him last night. Nothing too major, just a small conversation. I dunno if it will go anywhere, but I'm fine with just meeting new people and having friends to talk to.

You might remember (the few who actually read my blog) a few posts ago that I talked about growing out my relaxed hair and cutting it off once my natural hair was long enough. I didn't cut my hair, but it's now in braids 1) to help the hair grow without me having to comb it every day, and 2) I'm about to deploy and don't want to deal with that craziness LOL. Before I got it braided though, I tried a few things that's been mentioned on a few of the natural hair care sites I've found:

here I believe I just wet my hair and put my hair product in while it was still wet, and let it air dry. Oh man, My hair was SUPER short when it all dried, because once the water was gone, it shrunk haha. It was still cute though.

lets see...here I tried flat twisting my hair (should've used bobby pins like the directions said LOL), and then taught myself how to put a scarf on and keep it on my head.

My first attempt at trying some type of mohawk dealie... Lots of bobby pins and my yellow flower hair clip. It turned out way better than I thought it would for a first try :)

Okay. For an exercise I decided to do my own two strand twist so I wouldn't have to deal with forcing a ponytail every time I had to put my gas mask on  (right). The one of the left is when I finally took them all out. 

And this is what I look like now! Yay! :)

Other than that, there isn't much going on in my life...Arianna is doing wonderfully well with my parents. She's sitting up on her own and eating baby food, hanging up on people when they try to t talk to her (which she did to me the last time I called home haha), babbling away...People are always like "oh, it must be SO hard being away from your daughter"...At first I was just like "yeah, it is", but it's been said so much that it's gotten quite frustrating. I really don't need you stating the obvious every time you see me. Yes. It's hard being away from Arianna and not being able to see her grow and progress and learn new things every day. I feel bad about it all the time. That being said, it's for the best that she's with my parents right now. Please stop trying to guilt trip me into bringing her back sooner than it was meant to be (and yes, that's aimed at a certain person at work). 

All right...I think I've caught you all up on what's going on in my life, so...til next time! :)

Letter to Myself

Dear Self,

STOP BEING SUCH A WIMP. GEEZE! You can't hide behind your blog and the wall you've put up for the rest of your life, at some point you'll have to actually open up and talk to the people that you care about. Life's about taking risks, and even if you THINK you know what the other person is going to say, it doesn't mean that they're actually going to say it, no matter how long you've known them. You'll never know what could happen unless you talk, otherwise you'll just live a life full of regret and "what ifs". Seriously. It's frustrating. JUST DO IT ALREADY!

Love,
Shenise :)

I think I see a trend forming...

I'm noticing that whenever I have a paper to write, I also have some serious subject on my mind that makes it difficult to really focus on my paper. The subject this time? Love. I've noticed a lot of the blogs that I follow (and they're a lot- I know, I'm a creeper haha) have talked about love, and now I've got it on the brain. Which is now preventing me from working on my paper.

So...I'm sure we've all had conversations with a guy (be it significant others or just a guy that we have a crush on), and you just get that feeling that you know that you love him, and you know you want to tell them that you love them, but you're nervous to because you either a) don't know how they'll react to what you have to say, or b) you know exactly what they're going to say, and you don't want to hear them say it. Yeah. That's pretty much what's going in my head right now. It's something that's been in the back of my head. I mean, if you look at the blog posts from awhile back, it's pretty obvious, right? I don't know why I'm so nervous about it now. Urgh I hate when serious subjects prevent me from focusing on school work. I hate when I know what I want to say, but...I guess knowing what will be said would feel like rejection to me...I don't know.

I don't like not knowing. *sigh*

Yet again, another testimony of D&C 9:8-9

So after reading the texts from my mom, and really thinking about what she was saying, and looking at my situation, I realize that the thought of adoption only really comes to mind when I feel guilty about not being able to take care of her myself. I feel like I'm placing my mom responsibilities to my parents because I'm not ready to take care of her on my own yet. But I feel like I should be ready. I thought I would be ready when I got back from the deployment that we're about to go on, but I don't think that I will be. I think that breakdown was Heavenly Father's way of telling me that I'm not ready to raise her on my own just yet.

sheesh

I keep forgetting that this is my blog and that it's perfectly okay for me to say whatever I want because it's my blog, and if people don't like it, they don't have to read it. Now that I've reminded myself of this fact for what feels like the one hundredth time, I'm going to further explain my last post, because it was kinda vague.

So last night I was writing in my journal about a guy that I'm interested in and how excited I am to be moving into a smaller apartment. I finished writing and was just lying there staring at the cover of my journal when I thought what if Arianna and Alex DO get tested and it turns out he really IS her father? what if he takes me to court for full custody of her?? what if he won??? Which then lead to me thinking did I do the right thing in not giving her up for adoption? am I really ready to bring her back with me after the deployment? I have a hard time taking care of myself, how on earth am I going to take care of myself and a baby? what happens when I need to go TDY? what if I can't get moved to day shift (that was a recent thought. like, just now)? my parents wouldn't be happy if i mentioned giving her up for adoption...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! Yeah, I freak out pretty easily. This lead to a mental breakdown because I felt like I had made a HUGE mistake in not giving her up for adoption because I felt like I'll never be able to give her everything that she deserves no matter how hard I try. I prayed about it, and cried some more...It's so hard having the patience to wait for an answer. I remember when I first got here and I was considering adoption, and I had even gone to a few appointments with the LDS Family Services lady and looked at a few of the families on their website, and I remember coming across a white family with three adopted African American daughters. They came to mind last night. They're still in my mind right now as I'm writing this. I don't know if that's my answer to what I'm supposed to do; if it is, this is going to be REALLY hard. Mostly because my family has developed a strong attachment to her, along with friends and girlfriends of the family. I would feel so horrible if I took Arianna from them just to give her up to people they don't know... I don't know. All I can think about is the counsel from the General Authorities about how if the parents of a child aren't married, they should be encouraged to do so, but if they can't then they should be counseled to put the baby up for adoption. Like I said before I would HATE to have to do that, because I'm adopted and I've heard stories as to why I was put up for adoption, and it's part of the reason why I am the way that I am today. I don't know who my birth parents are even though I would love to find that out, and why I ended up in an adoption center. I don't want Arianna wondering why I gave her up, I don't want her to deal with what I had to deal with. I don't want my parents hating me for taking away their first grandchild from them, especially after all this time they've gotten to spend with her and watching her grow...And for her, she'll be almost a year and a half when I get back from the sandbox...I can't even imagine what that would do to her if I turned her over to a family of complete strangers. I don't know what to do. I still want to be a part of her life, but I don't know if I can give her what I know that she deserves. Am I being selfish by keeping her, or am I being selfish by considering adoption? Why can't it ever be easy to make hard decisions?

Doubt

We all experience it at some point in our lives, if not multiple times. We all deal with doubt differently. It seems that when doubt creeps into my head it sends me on this spiraling into a fit of tears and depression. And that's when doubt is in control for about a few hours; where I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, if  I've made a mistake by not doing something I probably should have done months ago, if I'm truly ready to take on a responsibility that I know I should take but probably wouldn't end well because I can barely handle the responsibility of taking care of myself. Maybe I made a rash decision for when I came back...I don't know. Doubt is not a fun thing to deal with, and I'm not very good at dealing with it. I do what I can, though it doesn't seem to be enough. One day I'll get a handle on it.

Weird

That's the only word that I can think of to describe the mood I'm in right now. Weird. I felt weird today at Church (for both the family and single's ward). If I wasn't so committed to going to church every Sunday, I'd stop going just so I wouldn't have to see all the families and couples. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and everything, I'm just a jealous person when it comes to things like that. It also doesn't help when there's a guy that I find attractive and funny, and I don't know how to go about that. I'm not good with talking to guys that I might like. *sigh*

I should probably clarify that last post...

Okay, this is my blog, and the reason why I started a blog is to be able to fully express myself when I'm unable to write my thoughts down on paper because my mind moves faster than my hands. So. To further explain the second paragraph of my last post.

As I'm sure many of you have noticed, I have a tendency to be jealous of those who are in relationships. I don't know why- actually I do know why. When I look at others who have significant others, I feel left out. I know I've talked about it before, but I'm talking about it again; I'm not forcing you to read my blog. Anyway, I like being in a relationship. I like knowing that someone wants me and loves me despite my faults and personality, and now the added fact that I have a daughter. But I'm rambling. I'm supposed to clear up my last post. I noticed that I like to pretend that things are there that aren't. For example. When I was in Basic Training, I pretended that I had a boyfriend because other girls in my flight had boyfriends. When Sam left on his mission, I decided to wait for him. That wasn't me pretending though, I really wanted to wait for him. I guess the part that I was pretending about would be that we had something going on now, instead of the 3 or so years ago when we actually dated. I think it's a habit. Am I that desperate to be in a relationship that I'm willing to lie to myself in my head? Seriously? I'm fairly positive that there's a name for whatever this is, because it CAN'T be normal. All I know, is that I have to stop wanting things to the point where it actually feels real in my mind. I dunno. All I have to say is that I need to work on letting go, and letting God, because it's obvious He has something else planned for me :)

Slip N' Slides and Realizations

Today our Single's Ward had a slip n slide at the park! It was a lot of fun, although I didn't go down it, I DID risk my life TWICE being a part of a five person jump LOL. Basically we laid down at the bottom of the slide next to each other, and Grant slid down the slide and jumped over us (somehow). It was fun, and I'm fine with not going down the slide, I prefer keeping my knees haha.

As far as realizations go, I was looking through some pictures and a thought occured to me: I like to pretend a bit TOO much. I like to act like things are there that really aren't, and I end up trying to force things that aren't really there. Does that make sense? I've noticed that I'll see things that other people have (mostly when it comes to things like boyfriends and whatnot), and then I'll pretend like I'm in a relationship too because I want so badly to fit in with everyone else. I have to stop forcing things that probably won't happen. And maybe it will happen, but with someone else. *sigh* I dunno. That all made sense in my head haha. I tried.

No good very bad day turned really good day

"8But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. 9But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given unto you from me."- D&C 9:8-9.

I can definitely say that I experienced these verses today, and at work of all places. Here's what happened: So I decided to stay in the same apartment complex that I'm in now, but just downgrade into a one bedroom one bathroom apartment that Arianna and I will be living in once I get back from this deployment. The one that I'm in now is nice, but there's no way I'll be able to afford it once I have her here, but I'm not complaining either. Anyway, I have a friend at work who was helping me decide by suggesting places, and when I told him what I planned to do he was just like "well why don't you just put everything in storage and wait until you're about to come home to get an apartment that way you're not paying for an apartment that you're not living in for 6 months." I considered it, and almost immediately I started getting stressed out because I was thinking that if I decided to put my stuff into storage, I wouldn't know when to put it all away since we don't have a definite date for leaving yet, and then on top of that I'd have to figure out somewhere to live before we left and after we got back, which just adds onto the stress of getting ready for/being deployed. So I'm trying to explain to him that I'd feel much more comfortable just getting an apartment before we leave and paying for it while we're gone so I know that I'll have a place to come home to instead of stressing over finding a new place to live. Plus, I would be able to get stuff set up for Arianna as well for when she comes back with me. To which he suggested that putting everything storage will help me save up more money for when Arianna comes to stay with me and that storage is a better idea than moving. It got so frustrating that I asked other people at work for their advice about it. The whole thing was really putting a damper on my day. Not to mention a storm was rolling in and I had to switch toolboxes because the wheels on the first box I had decided to be really dumb and not work the way that they were supposed to...So I had to deal with that and it took FOREVER *sigh* So I'm stressed about this moving issue, I'm not very happy with finance and this travel voucher, and then my box decides to act stupid. It was not a good day. By the way, I saw the unit that I would be moving in to, and it looks just like the one I'm in now minus the extra bathroom and bedroom. I'm pretty excited about it. So anyway, I got this thought in my head that I've made my decision and I like the decision I made, I shouldn't let someone else's suggestion overrule what I already know works for me. I started thinking "You know, I'm comfortable with my decision. I may make mountains out of molehills sometimes, but in this case, I'd rather not stress out while I'm already deployed." I know myself enough to know that I like to be prepared for things, and having a place to live already set up for when I get back before I leave for this deployment is one way that I can prepare. After thinking about it and reminding myself that what works for me may not work for others, I instantly felt calmer, and all the crazy stressful thoughts just vanished. The only thing that was left was a sense of peace about the decision that I made. This verse came to mind, only since I couldn't remember where in D&C that it was, I had to wait til I came home to look it up and then blog about it.

So that's pretty much been my day right there in a nutshell...Now seeing as it's really late/really early in the morning, I'm going to go to bed now. Full day of stuff that needs to be done tomorrow- after an activity with the single's ward, of course :) Hopefully last night's storm hasn't changed any of the plans for it :)

I don't know if I'm frustrated, irritated, or both

So....Called finance today because I STILL haven't gotten paid for the Vegas TDY...And the guy that I talked to today said that it's STILL sitting at Ellsworth, and they won't know when it will go through until the people at Ellsworth do something. And that it takes 2-3 weeks from when Finance approves it for the voucher to get paid back. Which is NOT what I was told a few days ago, and NOT what I was told last week. I was told 1) that it takes a week for it to get paid back (that was last week); and 2) that if I didn't get paid by today to give them a call because I should've gotten paid by today ( that was a few days ago). On top of that, there is talk that Finance messed up some people's travel vouchers, so they didn't get paid the full amount that they were supposed to. I really don't know how they screen people into these Finance jobs, but I think the Air Force needs to do a better job of it because this is getting ridiculous. I made a note of this in a recent Facebook status, but if all of us on the flightline decided to mess up on our jobs or just not even do them, there would be no U.S. Air Force. It would just be U.S. Air (especially if my job decided not to load the weapons that provide said force). I'm sure if the nonners (non-flightline personnel, those who wear Blues on Mondays), went on TDYs and had to wait FOREVER for their travel vouchers to go through, they would understand the frustration of those who DO go on TDYs. I mean, some people need that money for things like grocery shopping, paying bills, making sure their children are taken care of...You know, IMPORTANT THINGS. So now I'm waiting until Wednesday to see if my money shows up. If not, Finance will be dealing with a very unhappy maintainer.

On a happier note, I just heard from the manager of the apartment complex that I'm staying in. I can change apartments and move into a smaller one bedroom one bathroom apartment. I even got to go look at it, and it pretty much looks the same as the two bedroom two bathroom apartment I'm in now, minus the extra bedroom and bathroom. I'm pretty excited, and I hope I can move in in the next few weeks. That's my plan anyway. Gotta figure out this work schedule for this exercise, because it has me SO confused right now.

Boyz II Men and Brandy

So, I'm fairly certain that this song was meant for me. I looked up the words for it, and it's definitely some advice that I need to take! Here's the video:




It also kinda reminds me of a song sung by Brandy, which sort of has the same meaning. It's called Right Here (Departed). Here's the video for that:



I just love the messages of both of these songs...I will have to find Boyz II Men albums on Itunes or something...And KCi and Jo-Jo because I like them too. Basically R&B artists from when I was a kid :) Oh how I miss the 90s...

It's funny how things click at the strangest times

Take today for instance. I was on the line working with some people putting up a pylon and the thought came to me that I need to do things order. I took it to mean, first I needed Arianna back with me, and then things would fall into place. That's just the feeling that I got. Also, I'm looking into moving into a smaller, less expensive apartment...We'll see how that goes.

I'm not gonna lie...

I kinda miss being an MG, even though Sam and I haven't been together since I left for Korea almost three years ago. Still, I was waiting for him as his best friend, and I definitely had those emotions and feelings that a lot of the MGs I know go through, and I kinda miss it. I feel like I can't really relate to them anymore because I'm not waiting for a missionary anymore. I LOVE reading other girls' success stories about when their missionaries come home, but at the same time I hurt and feel sad because I won't have a success story to gush about to other girls, I can't complain about how the mailman is the most undependable person in the world when it comes to letters and packages both to and from our missionaries (Sam never got the one that I sent him for the 4th of July- I am NOT happy about that), and as weird as it sounds, I won't have the crazy ridiculous mood swings that occur three seconds apart. It's funny how before Sam went on his mission I never really knew about MGs, but now that I was a part of them, it was like being in a whole new, awesome world where everyone had the same goal, even if they were at different stages of reaching that goal. MGs are like a sisterhood where we can all just come together and talk about whatever is going on in our lives and not have to worry about people bringing us down for our decisions. *sigh* I dunno I just miss being in a relationship where I'm actually wanted by a guy for more than just sex... I'm trying hard to not worry about it so much, but it's hard sometimes when you're at the single's ward and there are couples scattered around the chapel. It's like I'm being mocked without really being mocked because I'm sitting by myself. Doesn't help when the guys I have an interest in already have girlfriends...*sigh* Just one more thing I need to work on I guess...

Contemplating....

So there are a lot of the MG's who have been together with their missionaries for as long as Sam and I have been together (which was almost 3 years), the only difference is that they're all still together and Sam and I...well...aren't. I dunno. Like, I look at other couples, and going to the family ward on Sundays looking at all the families and married couples...I can't help but wonder- Was being with Sam the only serious relationship I'm going to have? I don't know what I'm doing wrong... I go to the Single's Ward and try to put myself out there, but it doesn't seem to be working! Dating guys in my shop are out of the question because most of them are married or already have a girlfriend, and none of them are single LDS guys. Let alone guys that I want to date, simply because what comes out of their mouth *sigh* Add the fact that I'm a single mom and whammo- not a chance any member will want to date me. I can't really blame anyone but myself for that one though...Still I'm going to complain. Not about the fact that I'm a single mom, but the fact that I'm SINGLE. I don't like being single. I think I'm done now. Perhaps I should go work on my paper...

Prayers, cooking, and paper writing

Today has been a good day! I figured out what to do with my hair (finally), had a prayer answered, AND, I finished the outline to my paper that I will attempt to write later on! And I cooked dinner! Well it was just spaghetti, but still. I cooked it haha.

For my hair, I decided to try putting in micro braids. I googled tutorials on putting them in, and I'm REALLY excited about it. I know that it will take awhile though to get used to braiding with extensions and with braids so small, but I figure if my travel voucher goes through either tomorrow or Tuesday, I can buy the hair and get started before the weekend! That way I won't have so much to do during the weekend! :D Hopefully it turns out okay!!! :D

As for my apartment, I'm going to see about just keeping the apartment. I mean, thinking about it, I have a two bedroom two bathroom apartment. Why move out it if I'm possibly bringing Arianna back to Utah with me? That way she can have her own bedroom, and if anyone ever comes over to visit, they'll have their own bathroom to use :) I fasted about what I should do about moving into a new apartment in the same complex, or moving near a friend of mine in Clearfield, and I had the HARDEST time making a decision. But now I have this answer, and tomorrow when I talk to the management people here I'm hoping that keeping the lease for this apartment will be an option :)

And....I FINALLY FINISHED THE OUTLINE FOR MY PAPER THAT'S DUE TOMORROW!!! Now all I have to do is write it, which hopefully won't be too hard for me to pull off *sigh* We'll see how this goes. So today has been a good day, and I'm certainly not going to complain about it. Yay for good days! :D :D :D

I think I need to clear my head

Which is probably why I haven't been able to do much more research for my essay due on Monday (I think). Come to think of it, there IS a lot that is on my mind, all at the same time...

Firstly, I'm starting to grow the relaxed part of my hair out until the new growth is long enough, and then getting the relaxed parts of my hair cut off. For those who don't know what a relaxer does to African American hair, it's a chemical treatment that straightens our hair. Like, REALLY straightens our hair. As with other hair chemicals, you get it done too much, and you'll end up damaging your hair, and spending tonnes of money on getting your hair bone straight. So, I'm working on going natural- which means NO chemicals in my hair. It's been forever since I've had a relaxer put in, but I know it will take awhile for the new growth to be long enough before I'm comfortable cutting it. The only thing with going this way is the fact that this whole process requires PATIENCE. Something I'm not really good at. At least I can work on an important skill :) It does get frustrating though, trying to find the right products, trimming the ends, and finding new hairstyles to wear until I cut it. Frustrating because by trimming the ends myself, I made my hair uneven, and because I'm in the military, there isn't much I can do with my hair as far as hairstyling goes. Not to mention I'm deploying for six months in September, so I need to find a hairstyle that is low maintenance and will last for six months. I'm doing my research on it, but it's getting so irritating because I can't decide! And I want to try braiding my own hair, which is something I've never done before, so I'm nervous about it not turning out right.

Which leads into the next thing that's on my mind: moving into a new apartment. The complex I'm living in now has this thing where a military member can get out of their lease if they are deploying, as long as they let management know within 30 days of them leaving. What I would REALLY love is to stay in the complex I'm in now, but move into a 1 or 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment. If I can't, one of the guys that I work with suggested the apartment complex they're living in. It sounds REALLY nice, and it would be especially helpful because his wife offered to watch Arianna while I'm at work so she can live with me and I wouldn't have to worry about paying for daycare, just for her food :) I'm blessed to have a friend who is willing to help me have my daughter with me. The only downside to that is the fact that I would be in another ward, which would make it my third ward since I got here in October. But, if I'm able to bring Arianna back with me, it won't be about me anymore, it will be about her too so I have to do what's best for her. Something to fast about tomorrow :)

I'm hoping that by blogging about what's going on in my head, I'll be able to focus more on getting the research done for my paper and actually writing the darn thing. We'll see how it goes haha. I'm done for now, off to attempt research!

How Can I become the Woman of Whom I Dream?

Gordon B. Hinckley, “How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream?,” Liahona, Jul 2001, 112–15

You are daughters of the Almighty. Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future, if you will take control of it.

Thank you for that beautiful hymn. Thank you for your prayers; thank you for your faith; thank you for what you are. Young women of the Church, thank you so much. And thanks to you, Sister Nadauld, Sister Thomas, Sister Larsen, for the wonderful talks that you have given to these young women tonight.

What a wonderful sight you are in this great hall. Hundreds of thousands of others are assembled across the world. They will hear us in more than a score of languages. Our speech will be translated into their native tongues.

It is an overwhelming responsibility to speak to you. And at the same time it is a tremendous opportunity. I pray for the direction of the Spirit, the Holy Ghost, of which we have heard so much this night.

Though of various nationalities, you are all of one great family. You are daughters of God. You are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In your youth you speak of the future, and it is bright with promise. You speak of hope and faith and achievement. You speak of goodness and love and peace. You speak of a better world than we have ever known.

You are creatures of divinity; you are daughters of the Almighty. Limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future, if you will take control of it. Do not let your lives drift in a fruitless and worthless manner.

Someone gave me a copy of my high school yearbook the other day. It seems that when people get tired of old books, they send them to me. I spent an hour thumbing through it, looking at the pictures of my friends of 73 years ago, my high school class of 1928.

Most of those in that yearbook have now lived their lives and gone beyond. Some seem to have lived almost without purpose, while others lived with great achievements.

I looked at the faces of the boys who were my friends and associates. Once they were youthful and bright and energetic. Now those who are left are wrinkled and slow in their walk. Their lives still have meaning, but they are not as vital as they once were. I looked in that old yearbook at the faces of the girls I knew. Many of them have passed on, and the remainder live in the shadows of life. But they are still beautiful and fascinating.

My thoughts go back to those young men and women of my youth, back to where you are today. By and large, we were a happy lot. We enjoyed life. I think we were ambitious. The dark and terrible Depression which swept over the earth would not come for another year. Nineteen twenty-eight was a season of high hopes and splendid dreams.

In our quieter moments we were all dreamers. The boys dreamed of mountains yet to climb and careers yet to be lived. The girls dreamed of becoming the kind of woman that most of them saw in their mothers.

As I have thought of this, I have concluded to title my talk for tonight “How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream?”

Some months ago I spoke to you and the young men of the Church. I suggested six B’s that you ought to pursue. Do you think we could name them together? Let’s try: Be Grateful. Be Smart. Be Clean. Be True. Be Humble. Be Prayerful.

I have not the slightest doubt that these patterns of behavior will yield success and happiness and peace. I recommend them to you again, with a promise that if you will follow them your lives will be fruitful of great good. I believe you will be successful in your endeavors. As you grow old, I am satisfied that you will look back with appreciation for the manner in which you chose to live.

Tonight, in speaking to you young women, I may touch on some of these same things without repeating the same language. They are worthy of repetition, and I again commend them to you.

In the yearbook of which I have spoken is the picture of a young woman. She was bright and effervescent and beautiful. She was a charmer. Life for her could be summed up in one short word—fun. She dated the boys and danced away the days and nights, studying a little but not too much, just enough to get grades that would take her through graduation. She married a boy of her own kind. Alcohol took possession of her life. She could not leave it alone. She was a slave to it. Her body succumbed to its treacherous grip. Sadly, her life faded without achievement.

There is a picture of another girl in that yearbook. She was not particularly beautiful. But she had a wholesome look about her, a sparkle in her eyes, and a smile on her face. She knew why she was in school. She was there to learn. She dreamed of the kind of woman she wanted to be and patterned her life accordingly.

She also knew how to have fun, but knew when to stop and put her mind on other things.

There was a boy in school at the time. He had come from a small rural town. He had very little money. He brought lunch in a brown paper bag. He looked a little like the farm from which he had come. There was nothing especially handsome or dashing about him. He was a good student. He had set a goal for himself. It was lofty and, at times, appeared almost impossible of attainment.

These two fell in love. People said, “What does he see in her?” Or, “What does she see in him?” They each saw something wonderful which no one else saw.

Upon graduating from the university, they married. They scrimped and worked. Money was hard to come by. He went on to graduate school. She continued to work for a time, and then their children came. She gave her attention to them.

A few years ago, I was riding a plane home from the East. It was late at night. I walked down the aisle in the semidarkness. I saw a woman asleep with her head on the shoulder of her husband. She awakened as I approached. I immediately recognized the girl I had known in high school so long before. I recognized the boy I had also known. They were now approaching old age. As we talked, she explained that their children were grown, that they were grandparents. She proudly told me that they were returning from the East, where he had gone to deliver a paper. There at a great convention he had been honored by his peers from across the nation.

I learned that they had been active in the Church, serving in whatever capacity they were asked to serve. By every measure, they were successful. They had accomplished the goals which they had set for themselves. They had been honored and respected and had made a tremendous contribution to the society of which they were a part. She had become the woman of whom she had dreamed. She had exceeded that dream.

As I returned to my seat on the plane, I thought of those two girls of whom I have spoken to you tonight. The life of the one had been spelled out in a three-letter word: F–U–N. It had been lived aimlessly, without stability, without contribution to society, without ambition. It had ended in misery and pain and early death.

The life of the other had been difficult. It had meant scrimping and saving. It had meant working and struggling to keep going. It had meant simple food and plain clothing and a very modest apartment in the years of her husband’s initial effort to get started in his profession. But out of that seemingly sterile soil there had grown a plant, yes, two plants, side by side, that blossomed and bloomed in a beautiful and wonderful way.

Those beautiful blossoms spoke of service to fellowmen, of unselfishness one to another, of love and respect and faith in one’s companion, of happiness as they met the needs of others in the various activities which they pursued.

As I pondered the conversation with these two, I determined within myself to do a little better, to be a little more dedicated, to set my sights a little higher, to love my wife a little more dearly, to help her and treasure her and look after her.

And so, my dear, dear young friends, I feel so earnest, so sincere, so anxious to say something to you this night which will help you become the woman of whom you dream.

As a starter, there must be cleanliness, for immorality will blight your life and leave a scar that will never entirely leave you. There must be purpose. We are here to accomplish something, to bless society with our talents and our learning. There can be fun, yes. But there must be recognition of the fact that life is serious, that the risks are great, but that you can overcome them if you will discipline yourselves and seek the unfailing strength of the Lord.

Let me first assure you that if you have made a mistake, if you have become involved in any immoral behavior, all is not lost. Memory of that mistake will likely linger, but the deed can be forgiven, and you can rise above the past to live a life fully acceptable unto the Lord where there has been repentance. He has promised that He will forgive your sins and remember them no more against you (see D&C 58:42).

He has set up the machinery with helpful parents and Church leaders to assist you in your difficulty. You can put behind you any evil with which you have been involved. You can go forward with a renewal of hope and acceptability to a far better way of life.

But there will be scars that will remain. The best way, the only way for you, is to avoid any entrapment with evil. President George Albert Smith used to say, “Stay on the Lord’s side of the line” (Sharing the Gospel with Others, sel. Preston Nibley [1948], 42). You have within you instincts, powerful and terribly persuasive, urging you at times to let go and experience a little fling. You must not do it. You cannot do it. You are daughters of God with tremendous potential. He has great expectations concerning you, as do others. You cannot let down for a minute. You cannot give in to an impulse. There must be discipline, strong and unbending. Flee from temptation, as Joseph fled from the wiles of Potiphar’s wife.

There is nothing in all this world as magnificent as virtue. It glows without tarnish. It is precious and beautiful. It is above price. It cannot be bought or sold. It is the fruit of self-mastery.

You young women spend a lot of time thinking of the boys. You can have a good time with them, but never overstep the line of virtue. Any young man who invites or encourages you or demands that you indulge in any kind of sexual behavior is unworthy of your company. Get him out of your life before both yours and his are blighted. If you can thus discipline yourselves, you will be grateful for as long as you live. Most of you will marry, and your marriage will be much the happier for your earlier restraint. You will be worthy to go to the house of the Lord. There is no adequate substitute for this marvelous blessing. The Lord has given a wonderful mandate. He has said, “Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly” (D&C 121:45). This becomes a commandment to be observed with diligence and discipline. And there is attached to it the promise of marvelous and wonderful blessings. He has said to those who live with virtue:

“Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God. …

“The Holy Ghost”—of which we have spoken tonight—“shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever” (D&C 121:45–46).

Could there be a greater or more beautiful promise than this?

Find purpose in your life. Choose the things you would like to do, and educate yourselves to be effective in their pursuit. For most it is very difficult to settle on a vocation. You are hopeful that you will marry and that all will be taken care of. In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so.

Study your options. Pray to the Lord earnestly for direction. Then pursue your course with resolution.

The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it. You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part.

I was in the hospital the other day for a few hours. I became acquainted with my very cheerful and expert nurse. She is the kind of woman of whom you girls could dream. When she was young she decided she wished to be a nurse. She received the necessary education to qualify for the highest rank in the field. She worked at her vocation and became expert at it. She decided she wanted to serve a mission and did so. She married. She has three children. She works now as little or as much as she wishes. There is such a demand for people with her skills that she can do almost anything she pleases. She serves in the Church. She has a good marriage. She has a good life. She is the kind of woman of whom you might dream as you look to the future.

For you, my dear friends, the sky is the limit. You can be excellent in every way. You can be first class. There is no need for you to be a scrub. Respect yourself. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Do not dwell on unkind things others may say about you. Particularly, pay no attention to what some boy might say to demean you. He is no better than you. In fact, he has already belittled himself by his actions. Polish and refine whatever talents the Lord has given you. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life and look for its opportunities, and forever and always be loyal to the Church.

Never forget that you came to earth as a child of the divine Father, with something of divinity in your very makeup. The Lord did not send you here to fail. He did not give you life to waste it. He bestowed upon you the gift of mortality that you might gain experience—positive, wonderful, purposeful experience—that will lead to life eternal. He has given you this glorious Church, His Church, to guide you and direct you, to give you opportunity for growth and experience, to teach you and lead you and encourage you, to bless you with eternal marriage, to seal upon you a covenant between you and Him that will make of you His chosen daughter, one upon whom He may look with love and with a desire to help. May God bless you richly and abundantly, my dear young friends, His wonderful daughters.

Of course there will be some problems along the way. There will be difficulties to overcome. But they will not last forever. He will not forsake you.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done. …

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
(“Count Your Blessings,” Hymns, no. 241)

Look to the positive. Know that He is watching over you, that He hears your prayers and will answer them, that He loves you and will make that love manifest. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in all that you do as you look to become the kind of woman of whom you dream. You can do it. You will have friends and loved ones to help. And God will bless you as you pursue your course. This, girls, is my humble promise and prayer in your behalf, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

let the creative juices flow! ^_^

How Do I?

How do I
See what You see
Beyond the imperfections
That is so obvious to me
When I look in the mirror?

How do I
Feel what You feel
Have the confidence that You have
In me when I
Compare myself to others
And think I’ll never measure up to them?

How do I
Love like You love
Opening up my heart
And breaking down the walls
Allowing myself true happiness
Using the hurt as a lesson learned?

How do I?




I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

Something I need to put up pretty much everywhere I look in my apartment...

The Serenity Prayer
	God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr In loving memory of Fr Bertram Griffin -- 1932-2000 Requiescat in Pace
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3, 5-6

Dude...

I am SO ready to go back to Utah it's not even funny. Being out here is depressing. Yeah, there were the fun moments, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel pretty much ignored by a majority of the people that I work with, mostly because I don't drink. Man I wish I could change my job...Because I surely would in a heartbeat. I do not like the work environment, I pretty much don't fit in because I don't drink and I try very hard not to use curse words...I'm just so done doing this job I don't even know why I picked it in the first place. Are my six years up yet?




I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

VEGAS!!!!!

Oh man- so today I was surprised to find out that we were able to go to the strip tonight and see M&M World and the Coca Cola Factory. It was a fun time. I got some stuff at M&M World, took tonnes of pictures while we were out, and got to see the water fountain show at the Belaggio Hotel. My camera (I recorded it) did NOT do this show justice- it was BREATHTAKING in person! We also went into the hotel and saw the garden that they had in there- also BREATHTAKING! Like seriously, there's no way to capture the beauty of that place on a SD card (but I still tried!). I'm REALLY happy I was able to actually tour part of the strip instead of just sitting in a bar with a bunch of weapons people wishing I was sightseeing...Too bad I didn't have my best friend with me too. I know it would've been so much fun if he was here too :)

I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

whew!

Wow- I FINALLY figured out how to change the font on both my blog titles, and now my fonts! YAY! It only took me just about all night, and then just now to figure it out, but I'm happy it works now! This isn't much of a blog post, I just wanted to say that my blog will FINALLY start looking how I want it to look and I'm pretty excited about it ^^

I changed my font at thecutestblogontheblock.com

Wedding kicks

So unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to M&M World or the Coca Cola Factory...I will probably have to come back on a weekend or something...

For the past day or two I've been on a wedding kick. Looking at wedding gowns, flower arrangements for my bouquet, rings, masquerade masks ( that's the theme I want for my ring ceremony and reception- I want to base it off of Phantom of the Opera's 'Masquerade'). I got pretty excited about it, so I should probably step back from doing any more wedding window shopping before I try to push someone to try and marry me LOL I wouldn't do that but still it's fun :) Besides, at least I'll have a general idea of what I'll want for my real wedding, right? RIGHT! Yay for being prepared!!! :D

Oh yes...

I will be seeing this place...

and this place tomorrow. I am BEYOND excited!!! :D

Also, I have decided that I'm going to go natural! Which means I'm going to grow out all of the chemically treated hair on my head and stick with my natural head of hair. I'm pretty excited about it...I wanted to do something new with my hair aside from braids (which I have found out the ones that I've been getting have been doing more damage than actually helping my hair grow LOL), and I'm tired of my hair breaking off everytime I comb it *sigh*. Not to mention the many possibilities I have at styling it (when I'm not at work)- I'm pretty stoked about it. Vegas heat isn't getting any better, I'm fairly certain I'm going back to Utah super dark with sunglasses tan haha. A bunch of other branches are here now for Red Flag (bascially all these pilots get to play "tag" in the air) like the Marines, we have a Singapore unit here from Luke in Arizona, a Saudi Arabian unit...and Shaw. It's pretty cool to see different jets and whatnot.

I'm on my last week of my PSY202 class (yay!) and about to start my English Composition II class. I'm ready for that because maybe that will help kick my creative juices into gear and I can actually get some poetry and/or stories coming out again like I used to before I joined the military. We shall see...

houstatlantaVEGAS!!!!

Yep- we are TDY in Vegas right now and I'm pretty excited about that. The heat is KILLER, but the sights are nice. I'm REALLY hoping that this weekend I can get some people together and go sightseeing on the strip because I really want to go to M&M World...The only downside to being here is that I'm not at home where I can check my mail for letters, and I'm unable to go to church *tear*. But I'll definitely be returning when I get back to there's that! Nellis is an okay base, aside from all the craziness that happens outside the gate *sigh*, but the buildings all have that same boring brown color...Did I mention that it's RIDICULOUSLY hot here??? Because yah, it definitely is. I know I'm going home a few shade darker and with a sunglasses tan as well...I'm going to look like a crew chief haha. Aside from that, there's not much else to say about this TDY. We'll see how it goes as the weeks go by!

I Wish...

1) I had friends at work
2) I was pretty
3) I had the self-confidence to believe that I was pretty
4) Sam was able to text or call me :(
5) I was more interesting so other people would want to hang out with me
6) I was more outgoing and not as quiet
7) I had more self- esteem
8) I didn't feel like such a burden to those that do want to hang out with me (what a rarity that is...)
9) I lived closer to home
10) I was able to have my daughter live with me
11) I worked day shift so I could have my daughter live with me and go to daycare while I worked
12) I had a different job in the Air Force
13) I wasn't single
14) I didn't have these stupid mood swings

Single's Ward

So this is another one of those instances where it will be easier to type about my experiences than writing them because I'm bound to forget something. So, here's my day:

Of course, I went to the Camelot family ward, and it was the same as usual, pretty good. We had missionaries sit in on our Gospel Essentials class, and we talked about life after death. It was a nice lesson, it reminded me of one of the reasons why I joined the Church: because there is life after death, you don't just die and get buried in a grave and stay there. In Relief Society the lesson was on Temples and the covenants that can be done there. Nothing specific about what goes on, just that we have baptismal covenants, and other covenants as well. It was a good lesson from the temple prep manual (maybe I should look for it).

Then...single's ward. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty nervous becasue I wasn't sure what to expect. I can tell you one thing I definitely wasn't expecting- a black guy to walk in. First time I've seen that. There were a lot of new people in the ward today. Fast and Testimony meeting was...quiet LOL. Sunday school was interesting, talking about having improper thoughts and what we should do to overcome them. It was an informative lesson, using the story of David and Bath-sheba. Relief Society was something different. Mainly because it's the first time I've actually contributed to a lesson. This one was on President Faust's talk on recognizing how we are daughters of God. It was a great lesson, and I felt like I belonged here. Nice feeling. I think I'll enjoy going to the single's ward, especially once I get back from this TDY. It sucks that I have to go this week for two weeks, but I will definitely be returning to the ward when I get back. It's nice knowing that it's not the way movies depict single's wards LOL. I'm pretty excited to meet people who are my age, and maybe some guys to date :)

mmmm....Eclipse....

First off, I'm going to say that the only redeeming quality that Edward Cullen has is the sideburns. They remind me of Sam's sideburns :) Now, onto what I thought of the movie.


This movie was AMAZING! Oh man, I am SO happy I went to see it. It was both funny, cute, and filled with good action. It followed the book pretty well, and I LOVED how they actually put in scenes of Rosalie's and Jasper's stories, along with the stories from the Quilete council. It was GREAT- kinda how I imagined it when I read the book! Jacob Black- mm mm mm...What to say about Jacob Black...That guy is SEXINESS ON A STICK. Like seriously, every time he came onto the screen, you could hear all of the girls' reaction, and I pretty much melted into my seat. This movie further proves my point that Bella is one of the most selfish and annoying person I have EVER seen on t.v. Seriously girl, you KNOW that Jacob is the better choice (OBVIOUSLY). He's loyal, kind, funny, smart, honest, HOT...and he's a WOLF! I mean, SERIOUSLY?! How can a VAMPIRE compare to a WOLF??? You can't cuddle with a vampire, it's like hugging a cold stone. Vampires can't keep you warm on cold winter nights (as was proven in the movie) like wolves can. Sure, a major downside of being a wolf would be the whole imprinting deal (which IS unfortunate, and kinda sucky), but still. I'd very much prefer being in love with someone who lives and breathes and has a beating heart. The fact that I'd have my very own pet without spending any money is a bonus too. *sigh* I don't think I'll EVER like Bella, simply because she ignores what's best for her. What if she hadn't even met Edward first, but Jacob instead? I wonder how that story would turn out...I mean come on. What he told Bella before he kissed her? Totally made me weak in the knees...and if I had been her I would've DEFINITELY been like, SCREW EDWARD! hahaha


Another part about the movie that I liked was Charlie. He was such a father in this movie, and his comments were SO funny LOL. Oh! Also, Jacob and Edward's rivalry- AWESOME! I really wish they had quotes up because I would definitely be posting some of them.  I don't know, it was just so cute. Once clips start coming up, I'll probably post those and quotes as well, because so many of them (mostly by Jacob- like what he said before he kissed her) are ones that I want to put in my journal.


I'll end this post by saying that my favorite vampire is now Jasper. He's just so old fashioned and kinda handsome, and his southern accent just adds to it. If Alice didn't already have him (and their relationship is SO adorable in this movie, I LOVE how they elaborated on it), I'd try my hand at getting him :)

*sigh*

I know that Sam's on his mission and it's an everyday thing, but just thinking about it makes me depressed. Simply because every day he has something to do. Even on the weekends. Whereas, here I sit this 4th of July weekend with nothing to do, no one to hang out with, and no one to talk to. I'm pretty much by myself. My mailbox has been empty all week (meaning no letters), AND I don't have friends to hang out with...Or anyone for that matter *sigh* Maybe I SHOULD start going to the single's ward...At least THAT way I'll know SOME people who are my age and who might want to hang out with me...I need to find a way to not be so dependent on hearing from Sam each week *sigh*

Just been one of thos (yester)days...

Have you ever had those days where it seems so much is going on that there's NO way you could possibly write it in your journal so you type it instead? Today (yesterday) is one of those days. It was started off great, got a full workout in and ran 1.4 miles! Then when I got to work ( my car made it today!), one of the guys in my shop suggested calling around to different Chevy dealerships to see if my car's thorttle body would be covered under their powertain or emissions warranty because for some reason, the dealership I bought it from said that it wasn't covered under either of them...And I found a dealership in Salt Lake City that covers it under their powertrain warranty, and BONUS- they can come tow it too! I'm just hoping that when they run the diagnostics on it, that it will still be the throttle that's giving me a problem so I won't have to pay for it or the towing (the towing itself is about $70)... I'm going to stay optimistic about it though! :) I got my first full day of what a normal swing shift is and I was pretty busy the entire night. Nothing like pushing a toolbox all over the flightline...At least I get something of a workout out of it haha. Anyway, it was a long, tiring day at work, and I hadn't eaten a lot which puts me out of it when I check my Facebook to see a message from Alex about how he wants to call me to set something up to get a test done on Arianna to see if he's really the father. I told him a few months back that I had a strong feeling that he was her father, and even though he offered I told him that I didn't want anything from him. That being said, when he brought this up I just asked him why it even mattered because if she does turn out to be his, he'll be legally bound to her and have to pay child support...I don't ask him for anything so I asked why he wanted to change that....I'm just tired of all of this stuff with him, and I'd very much prefer not talking to him at all ever again haha. What kinda put a damper on my day was that my mailbox was empty *tear*, BUT Sam should be getting his 4th of July package tomorrow! I really hope he likes it...I probably won't find out his reaction to it until Monday, but I really hoped he liked it! :) On another note, for the past week or so, I've found spiders chilling outside of my bedroom window, and it seemed like they were casing out my apartment which was kinda weird....A few days later what do I see but those very spiders INSIDE my apartment! Luckily I had Lysol and a shoe to kill them with, and I hope I'm done dealing with them.

Looking back on this, it doesn't seem like a lot at all...But it would've been so much harder to write all of this out because my fingers would've cramped up at some point just from trying to write at the speed my mind was moving haha. Hooray for typing!

The Old Testament

When the new year came around, I made a resolution to read the Old Testatment of The Bible this year. Right now I'm in the book of Judges, and as I'm reading it, I'm noticing that the children of Israel remind me of the Nephites in The Book of Mormon. The children of Israel were saved by the hand of God and journeyed to the land promised to them. Pretty soon they started going against the commandments and following other gods. This cause the Lord to leave them, and they began to not prosper as much and lose their battles against the other nations in their land. Then a prophet or prophetess would arise from the children of Israel and save them, for which they would be happy. But once the prophet or prophetess died, they would revert right back to their evil ways. And the cycle continued this way. I don't know why it reminded me of the Nephites, probably because they too were chosen of God, and over time they drifted away from the commandments and teachings of the prophets and kings, even to the point where the Lamanites were more righteous than they were! I dunno, I just found it an interesting comparison, and a futher testimony to me that The Book of Mormon truly testifies of Christ and the history of the people that lived here in the Americas.